Denver Broncos 2012 Preview: Part 2


Good morning, heathens! Did everyone get some good whiskey sleep last night? I know I did.

I’m not into wasting time, so let’s continue breaking down the rest of this schedule. If you’ll recall, yesterday we broke down weeks 1-6, right up to the bye week. It was brutal, but the team will come out of it okay at 4-2.  Today: Weeks 8-17, or what I affectionately call, “after six weeks of hell and a bye.”

Sunday, October 28: NEW ORLEANS
The Saints are missing their head coach and even their interim head coach thanks to the bounty scandal that distracted the media from the concussion problem in the league has captured America’s attention. They’re talented enough not to be a walk-over, but will they have the leadership to guide them for the first half of the year? Or will they be like the Redskins, devoid of a strong leader and listing through the season like a ghost ship heading out to sea? I think it’s the latter. Broncos 31 – 17 Saints

Sunday, November 4: @Cincinnati
Oof, an 11am start, which is never good for the Broncos. Going against a team that actually does something well for once and can truly sling the ball all over the field. I think the Broncos win, but it’ll be a lot closer than it should be. Broncos 24 – 21 Bengals

Side note: 6-2 after half the season has been played? Yeah, I’ll gladly take that.

Sunday, November 11: @Carolina
Another 11am start, and this one is in one of the Broncos’ own personal house of horrors. I don’t like this one bit, and (depending on our draft, of course) we’re going to have a tough time containing the dynamic Cam Newton (who is changing his name officially to “The Dynamic Cam Newton”) as well as a good running attack and being on the road and having an early start. Not good. Third loss of the year will be to the suddenly feisty Panthers. Panthers 31 – 28 Broncos

Sunday, November 18: SAN DIEGO
Mark your calendars for this one folks. After eeking out a win in their own empty stadium in week 6, the rematch happens at The Authority  and things get ugly in a hurry for the Whale’s Vaginas. Phyllis Rivers will throw at least three picks, one will be a pick six, and the Broncos roll at home. Broncos 41 – 24 Chargeless

Sunday, November 25: @Kansas City
There are those who have picked KC to win the West this year, and I’m here to tell you those people are either A) morons or B) fat-ass, subpar-BBQ-eating Chiefs fans. Either way, those people cannot read. Broncos will escape Kansas City (another carnival of horrors for the Broncos is Camarohead Stadium) with a narrow win, but it won’t really be as close as the score indicates. Broncos 28 – 21 Chiefs

Sunday, December 2: TAMPA BAY
A lot of folks are picking Tampa to surprise some people, and that’s all well and good. Thing is, they’re just not very good. I predict that they’ll start hot before falling off, and thankfully Denver gets them in the second half of the season, and at home. Broncos 34 – 20 Tampa Bay

Thursday, December 6: @Oakland
Another prime-time game (every team will play one on Thursday night this year, which is a pretty good idea for the League), this time in the Black Hole of Oakland-Alameda County Colosseum. Coming on a short week, having to travel and play a division rival, I don’t get a good feeling about this. The way I see it though, we’ve gotta go 4-2 against the division to win it, and though we’ll drop this one, I think we’ll still be okay. Raiders 21 – 17 Broncos.

Sunday, December 16: @Baltimore
Oof. Um, at least we have 10 days to rest and rejuvenate? Yeah, we’ll go with that. Honestly this game could go either way. Manning has a reputation as a Raven killer, and the extra rest could help us be ready for the bruising defense in Balto. But when you take into account the early start (11am mountain), the competition (Broncos always have a hard time with Baltimore, particularly IN Baltimore) I think we drop two in a row. Ravens 24 – 21 Broncos

Sunday, December 23: CLEVELAND
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Suckers. To borrow from one of my favorite movies, Major League:
“I’m a football player.”
“Here? In Cleveland?”
“Yep.”
“I didn’t even know we still had a team.”
“… Yeah… We’ve got uniforms and everything. It’s really great.”
This will get out of hand as Denver wraps up the division. Broncos 42 – 19 Cleveland

Sunday, December 30: KANSAS CITY
KC comes to town. Matt Cassell is terrible. Broncos win, cruise to their second straight division title, and do both in convincing fashion (which is my favorite kind of fashion). Broncos 33 – 17 Chiefs

11-5. Likely a third seed in the playoffs (which means no bye, but I’m actually okay with that given Manning’s issues when given a week off before the playoff slate) and a home game in both the wild card and divisional round of the playoffs.

Book it.

Missed part one? Here.

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  1. [...] time games, denver broncos schedule « Debugging Treasury Propaganda, Part 4 of 13 Denver Broncos 2012 Preview: Part 2 [...]

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