The Catholic Church: Putting the Fun in Fungible

[Editor's Note: From time to time, we bring on new writers who want to share something about themselves and have something to say. Today is one of these days. Please meet our newest correspondent, Bebe' Gottbach. Be gentle.]

I’m new here, so perhaps I should tell you a little bit about myself. I enjoy long walks on the beach at sunset, I’m all up inside federal and state level lady-bizness, and I really really hate the Catholic Church.

Yeah, that about sums me up.

Today I’ll be complaining (from the French complaise, which means to be correct whilst surrounded by fucking morons) about the recent twisting of soft, beringed hands about religious persecution. [Read more...]

Expecting the Post to Stop Covering Tebow? “Not Going To Happen.”

You heathens may well remember me taking The Denver Post Broncos beat writer Lindsay H. Jones to task last week for her paper’s constant TMZ-style reporting of departed fullback/punt protector Tim Tebow. I did this in an open-letter, and said that if I heard back from her, I’d update this story here.

This is that update. [Read more...]

Leave Your Message After The Beep

Okay, so we’re not fishing. We’re just too busy to do the Lord’s work, aka: write for this dick joke-centered blog.

Will be back tomorrow, unless something crazy happens and we’re back today.

Good talk. See you out there.

An Open Letter to Lindsay H. Jones at The Denver Post

Editors note: Yesterday, the Denver Newspaper of Record continued its hero worship of departed QB/Punt Protector Tim Tebow. I took exception via Twitter with Lindsay H. Jones, the Post’s Broncos beat writer. She took exception to me taking exception, and I was invited to have a “civilized discussion about this” in more than 140 characters via email with the Post reporter.

Of course, I obliged. Here, now, are the contents of said email. (Note: I have not yet received a response. If and when I do, this will be updated with more information.)

Oh hai! I play in Denver now… but you wouldn’t know it.

[Read more...]

What is *Really* Causing the Financial Failure of the English Premier League?

There are many reasons to love Deadspin, the sports website owned by Gawker Media. The idea of grown men getting paid squillions of dollars to play children’s games is essentially silly, so Deadspin’s combination of snark, uncompromising exposés of bad behavior, and withering criticism of the lamestream sports media is so very necessary.

The editorial staff of Deadspin is progressive enough to be ahead of its readership when it comes to covering sports that are growing in popularity but may not yet be on everyone’s radar. Specifically, I’m referring to soccer, played at the highest levels in Europe. Although I rate Slate and Grantland’s Brian Phillips as the best American soccer writer, Barry Petchesky does admirable work almost every week, converting mainstream ‘Merican sports fans to the world’s game by highlighting the sport’s unique excitement and drama.

One of the reasons soccer appeals to nerdy Murrican sports aficionados is that the competitive and financial structure of the sport is rather different than anything we typically see stateside. Teams play in up to four tournaments simultaneously, the best teams play against the best teams from other countries, and the worst teams engage in a compelling dogfight to avoid being relegated to a lower division and an uncertain future. [Read more...]

Never Use the C-word in Mixed Company


You know what I hate? Clients. Not the individual people or the companies. I hate the c-word. It’s just not a good word.

So I was wrapping up a nice week of freelance work at this little ad agency. Busy, complete with the expected learning curve where I try to figure out what the hell the Creative Director wants and he tries to figure out why the hell I suck at taking creative direction. And then you get past that and get stuff done. Headlines come out your ears, he inevitably picks the worst of the lot, and I get paid to wax poetic, or wax boring depending on what spins your buttons, and it’s a good week. Nice people, doable deadlines, creative-ish loft space with tables that kinda say, “I wish I’d gone to architecture school” and bottomless coffee. Two thumbs up.

Enter the C-word

It was Friday, and we’re chatting about next week- his work flow, my availability, deadlines I have with another “client,” blah blah blah. I guess this guy’s technically a client, cause I’m freelance, but normally I’d think of him as the CD or creative boss man and the client’s the brand I’m working on.  But the c-word’s a slippery, slimy little bugger. And that other client? I consider him a writing partner. A full on, equal on equal collaboration team of surprisingly well-matched spectacular.

Creative Director Client: Well, I don’t have much coming in, so you can fully focus on your other client, blah blah blah client blah client blah blah client client client. If I have any emergencies roll in can I give you a shout?

Me: Yeah, perfect.

And I suddenly wanted to grab the nearest rubbish bin and heave like I did that one time when I ate two cookie sheets worth of coconut macaroons (I was probably eight).

When we call someone that — “client,” I mean — we’re making them the automatic anonymous enemy. [Read more...]

Facebook: The LOL Continues

The fallout from the botched Facebook (NASDAQ: FB) initial public offering continues this morning, now with shareholder lawsuits and ominous statements from regulators!

The Securities & Exchange Commission will probably be abolished once Prezident Mittens Romney deports Barry Hussein back to Kenya, so maybe they want to go out on top? According to Reuters, the SEC and the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority are not amused at reports that analysts for the lead underwriters Morgan Stanley, JP Morgan, and Goldman Sachs cut their revenue projections for FB mere days before its IPO, at the very moment that Mark Zuckerberg was meeting with institutional investors in his best trolling outfit.
[Read more...]

The Denver Post Doesn’t Know Tim Tebow Is Gone

Pictured: Mike Klis’ hidden camera footage of his golden ticket

Frankly, I find it terrible that we don’t have a decent press corps in this town.

Back in the days of being a two-newspaper town — before, of course, the two famously merged creating one massive paper that couldn’t pay its bills instead of two — there was some integrity, some creativity, some competition for stories and interviews and that one four-letter word that was actually marginally important: News.

It’s become an embarrassment. [Read more...]

Facebook Flash Crash

There are probably some important things happening in ‘Merica today, like Arizona being all racist again or CIA drones operating in domestic airspace. But let’s face it: you don’t care about that (boring, AMIRITE?), and therefore neither do we.

Since Facebook (NASDAQ: FB) is about 104 billion times more of a priority in your life, today’s Nerd Link O’ the Day is dedicated to it, and to you my pretties.

[Read more...]

All of Your Money are Belong to Facebook

Today, rich people will get richer by separating fools from their money.

“But doesn’t that happen every day, The Bunk?”, you say.

“Yes, yes it does”, I reply, scrounging for coins with which to caffeinate myself so as to suppress hunger.

But today is a special day. It is the day when The Facebook, the best thing that’s happened to narcissism since the invention of the mirror, becomes a publicly traded company. Double freedom!

[Read more...]

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