The Cockpunch is a new daily feature here on the DDP, bringing to one place the news and links that we, the editorial staff of this intrepid publication, are reading on any given day. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Colorado is on fire. The so-called High Park Fire has already claimed 181 structures in the fire zone, people have been evacuated, and more than 50,000 acres of terrain has been burned thanks to a combination of beetle-killed trees, hurricane-force winds (pretty unusual for Colorado in June; we’ll get to that in a bit), and unseasonably warm (read: HOTTER THAN SHIT) temperatures. Basically, the combination of the last two items in particular are driving the flames across the mountains, filling our air with smoke (USA! USA! USA!) and threatening to burn the entire fucking state down.
In a move that surprised precisely no one, GOP Rep. Cory Gardner is attempting to score political points with the fire by blaming the it on the Obama Administration. Again: A fire that was started by lightning striking a tree in the wilderness is to be blamed on Barack Obama, because something something LIBERTEEE and GOVERNMENT BADDDDD. Guess the Kenyan Prime Minister is more electric than we thought. [Ed. Note: ZING!]
The good news here is that if Barack Obama is the cause of a massive wildfire (now the biggest in state history!), then climate change really IS a myth. Imagine my relief.
In other “Barry is just the worst” news, Wonkette has a pretty top-drawer write up of them damm anker baybees and how dem damm Messicans are abusing the system with them damm keeids so they can steal our ‘Merican jobs (which don’t exist) and get our free healthcare so they can mooch off the system. Don’t you worry, Whiteys: Rep. Steve King is on the case.
Meanwhile, in Michigan, Christian missionaries taunted Muslims at their own street fair in Dearborn, causing a stir by screaming at young Muslims that they’re “going to burn in hell” and carrying a pigs head. All this from the state that gave us the Michigan Militia (hey, is that thing still going on? My senior high school thesis was about them; guess I should find out if they’re still around, maybe taunting Muslims at a street fair) and Detroit. You’re welcome, world.
Pennsylvania law is just the best, you guys. Not only are the kids molested by Jerry Sandusky being trotted out to testify, but the law in the Keystone State prevents expert testimony in sex abuse cases AND requires that a judge instruct jurors that they must take into account how long it took the victims to bring forth their stories. So, yeah, Sandusky’s legal team has a lot of room to maneuver in order to get him off the charges and out molesting kids in showers again. Everyone wins!
On the sporting side of things, you may have noticed our coverage of the Euro2012 soccer tournament being played in Eastern Europe. Between the (mostly) excellent soccer and the (completely) despicable racism, nobody really saw the Euro Crisis Showdown developing, wherein the Greeks (who really shouldn’t have advanced past the group stage) would play the Germans (who won their group) in the field of 8. There aren’t many ways in which these two sides could be more different, but here they are, fighting for a country’s survival on the futbol pitch. SPORT!