Welcome to The Morning Wood

The Morning Wood is a new feature here on the Daily Dickpunch designed to give you a whole new look at the world, with links to help you break out of your sad, pathetic cubicle-centered life and enter into adult discussions with other humanoids in a workplace environment.

“But wait, you lazy dick,” you’ll say. “Isn’t this just ‘The Cockpunch’ with a different, better and funnier name? Why didn’t you guys come up with this name before?” Well, first of all, yes it’s just the Cockpunch with a different and funnier name. It’s exactly the same. We didn’t come up with it before likely because we’re lazy, and sometimes we don’t think of the most adolescent thing until well after the fact. So let’s just leave it alone, eh?

On to the links:

Kenyan Prime Minister, Muslim and glorified schoolmarm Barack Hussein Obama is pushing for a one-year extension of the Bush tax cuts, but only for the middle class. This is likely to go over like a warm fart in a particularly Xtian church, wherein all in the congregation merely want to see him as a one-term preznit. The next time the raycessisms GOPeepee attempt to block the raising of the debt ceiling and attempt to hold America hostage over it, you can very much expect this move to be part of the drama. American Politics: Not working for anyone since 1776.

Vanity Presidential candidate and all-purpose weirdo Thaddeus McCotter resigned his post? Evidently. But he made a show of it with his REALLY fun-to-read resignation letter, and Wonkette wants to read his forthcoming pilot. Now that I think about it, so do I.

Mexican space lizard and dog lover Willard Mittens Romney raised $106 million in June, then immediately claimed to be the financial underdog. I wonder what the weather is like in the Land of Make Believe these days. Our good friend Mittens is also holding another rally in Colorado, ostensibly to talk about the wildfires. This is odd, given that R-Money has called for cutting government jobs, including, VERY SPECIFICALLY, the need for more firemen. Good show, R-Money! Speaking of Colorado…

We’ve had three days of rain and cooler temperatures in and around the state, so climate change is officially over. You’re welcome, world. Meanwhile, our ban on linking to Denver Post stories continues.

Race baiter, master-debater and cunning linguist Skip Bayless gets things wrong to the point where that’s got to be part of his resume now. What a piece of shit. The Worldwide Leader in Sports is not any better, as they enable him on a daily basis and have even given him his own platform for chronic ineptitude.

Olympics, meet British security state circa 1984, meet muslin terrorists.

A hippity hopper announced he’s got the ghey, you guys. Good for him. There’s nothing like honesty, my bros. Ja Rule has not responded to requests for comment.

Have a great Monday everyone.

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