Your Morning Wood for Tuesday, July 17, 2012


Someone should go check on Mittens Romney’s fancy dancing horse. Just like how serial killers first express their psychopathy by abusing animals, your correspondent is deeply worried that Mittens’s true self, ANGRY MITTENZ, is beating his helpless Olympic show horses as a prelude to what he will do to the American People, if he gets the chance.

The Romney campaign responded to Kenyan Prime Minister Barry Hussein’s blistering attack ad, which this fine publication displayed yester-day, by putting up its own ad on the You-Tubes called “Political Payoffs and Middle Class Layoffs”. Which is funny, because those six words basically encapsulate the entire postgraduate existence of one Willard M. Romney. When you’re desperate, it must seem like a good idea to try to tar your opponent with whatever is currently sticking to you.


Uh-huh. that’s not fooling anyone except the Mitt 2012: Believe in ‘Merica® team and their closest sycophants.

ANYWAY, the aforementioned advertisement featured a brief clip of Barry singing Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together”, whose digital rights are owned (rather jealously apparently) by the BMG Corporation, which requested that the ad be taken down. Youtube duly obliged, and now Mittens has a sad.

“But The Bunk, I thought the GOPee was the party of private property rights?” says you.

“So did I, young padawan. So did I” says me, with a heavy le sigh.

On to the morning’s finest web-links for your perusal.

BREAKING: The Oakland Raiders suck. Oh I’m sorry, that was a headline from 1978. Regardless, Deadspin’s brilliant Drew Magary has commenced the festivities that count down to the beginning of the National Football League season. This entails verbally abusing the fans and organization of every NFL team. So brace yourselves, because your team sucks too. Hard.

At least sixteen people were wounded when a gunman opened fire in a bar in scenic Tuscaloosa, Alabama early this morning. Clearly, the problem here is that not enough people in the bar were armed, locked, and loaded… right?

/Clings to guns, and religion

Surprise, Wall Street is full of crooks. You probably knew that, but Rolling Stone’s Matt Taibbi will regale you anyway with tales of the most recently discovered fraud perpetrated on American taxpayers. When governments large and small need to raise money for infrastructure projects, they go to the bond markets. That’s nice. But there’s a secondary interaction that takes place once the money has been raised.

Because not all of the bond proceeds are spent at once, governments/hospitals/schools rely on financial companies to invest the proceeds until they’re needed. The interest rate at which unspent proceeds earn money is supposed to be competitively bid, but that’s not how it has actually worked in ‘Murka for decades. Market makers who are supposed to ensure that taxpayers get the highest return possible for their money have instead been colluding with the banks, rigging bids to appear competitive but actually returning less money to the public than a competitive market would, and pocketing the difference.

Bid-rigging is a hallmark of the mafia, which has used dishonesty and strong-arm tactics to corner the market for contracted public services since the early 20th century. It is basically the intersection of organized crime and government. So, when we facetiously use the term “banksters”, that term is more accurate than we realize.

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