Morning Wood: Uncomfortable Questions

Throwing invisible money into the air, then wavin’ round cause he just ain’t care.

We’ve discussed multi-billionaire (and likely sex weirdo) Sheldon Adelson before in this here digest of dick jokes and tomfoolery, and we’ve even openly questioned just why folks thought the rich could possibly be spending all that political money to benefit those of us who are not multi-billionaires. These are questions that need to be asked, and since they won’t be asked by the Librul Media Machine, that responsibility falls to us. Again.

You’re welcome, America.

But now, the candidate who has been bought and paid for by Mr. Adelson — a Mexican Space Lizard from the planet Kolob named W. Mittens Romney — is displaying the signs that his foreign policy apparently now consists of pissing off our allies (his visit to London last week was well-chronicled by The Bunk) and engaging in saber-rattling with our possible future oil industry enemies. It’s like an episode of the new Dallas come to life. SPOILER: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is John Ross, and Ali Khamenei is JR Ewing’s eyebrows.

The only thing worse than what he said in London is what he said in Jerusalem. Seriously, I say this to The Bunk every single day, but HOW IN THE FUCK CAN ANYONE ACTUALLY JUSTIFY VOTING FOR THIS ASSHOLE? HOW??? Christ on a cracker, it just doesn’t make any goddamn sense.

I realize that his path to election looks weak and fraught with danger. I realize that he’s got very little chance of getting elected running on the famous, “well I’m not the black guy, is why” campaign promise. But I’m still absolutely terrified of this man.

Although, it should be noted, that once elected he would probably go back on every promise he made during the campaign. Thass jus’ how he roll, yo. Mittens ain’t care.

To the Linkmobile!
Politics!
Good news, everyone! People scamming the tax code like W. Mittens now account for half (1/2) of all election spending. Because when the rich win, we all win, going all the way back to never.

As our current President says, let me be clear: trickle down economics have not, do not, and will not work, no matter how many decades we give the idea a chance to prove otherwise. The rich don’t “trickle down” anything but pee, and more often find themselves putting money in overseas bank accounts to protect against just such a scenario. [Editor's note: It should be noted that its cousin, "tickle-down economics," which is merely the use of French tickler condoms in the sack, does in fact work. Works really well, if you know what I mean wink wink nudge nudge say no more.]

Mittens either doesn’t understand how the world works, or he’s just a fucking meat puppet. Good lord, the man is capable of offending anyone at any time. So ignorant and RAYCESS. Let’s elect him!

Olympics!
There’s way too much soshulisms at teh Olympix, u gys.

And NBC’s coverage of the Games is just terrible, part DCLXVI.

Religion!
A black couple in Mississippi (imagine my surprise) has been turned away from a Christian church for their wedding because — you guessed it — they’re black. Tim Tebow was upset at the news, but his face quickly brightened when someone dangled a set of shiny keys in front of him. The next time someone tells you that we live in a post-racial society and that those days of RAYCESSISMS are over for all of us because something something OBAMA, you punch that person right in the tit.

Why do we even need religion anymore? Ladyporn is my new religion, as it is for a British hotel which has swapped out its copies of the Holy Bible with copies of 50 Shades of Grey. Do we even need comedians in this world when this stuff just actually happens?

Enjoy Monday, wage slaves.

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