The Morning Wood: He Doesn’t Get It

We’re just jealous of the success he’s had in business.

We just want ammunition that we can “twist” and “lie about” during the election.

We’re “birthering” him.

Mitt, you just don’t get it, man. I wish you got it because I’d rather have two honest candidates to vote for than just one and a douche who won’t show his numbers. For those of you scoring at home, the latter is Mexican Space Lizard/Robot Willard Mittens Romney (R-Rich People).

Thing of it is, we’re not jealous of his success; if anything, we’d like to emulate the idea of never needing to work past the age of 50. That’s a far cry from the reality most of us face.

Fact is, I think about retiring and I just laugh and laugh; there’s no way I’m retiring. Being done with work? I have a better chance of walking on the moon. If I’m extremely fortunate, I may be able to cut back on my hours (in my 70s) so I can travel, but retiring? Calling it a “finished career”? Unlikely.

And the thing of it is, Mr. Romney, there are a lot more people in my position than yours. Make just enough to live paycheck to paycheck, pay our taxes in full, and keep the ol’ Family Truckster filled with gas for our treks to our respective cubicle farms, making folks at the top more money than they know what to do with, enabling them to “trickle down” assuming they aren’t hiding their money in offshore bank accounts and paying no taxes at all.

That’s the problem people have with you, Mitt. You have no fucking idea what our plight looks like.

Your refusal to release more tax returns just underscores the problem. The claims you make about how the President has not done enough for the economy actually resonate; a lot of people agree. But running as a contrarian doesn’t work. You have to have plans of your own if you’re going to get my vote, and “I have business experience” and “I know how to create jobs” are all well and good, they’re not plans. They’re platitudes.

Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. Merely saying “I know how to create jobs” isn’t going to create a single fucking job.

Release your returns, sir. Let us see that you at least pay taxes as we have to.

Unless, of course, Harry Reid is right and you haven’t paid taxes in 10 fucking years. In which case, go fuck yourself.

You know all those things that Mittens said last week that offended damn near everyone? Well, surprise! He didn’t actually say those things you heard him say! So, let’s just get back to ignoring his multitude faults and he can go back to insulting your intelligence.

Also, R-Money’s traveling press secretary wants you to kiss his ass, and then shove it. Not sure if he’s still talking about his ass, but here we are.

We all know how awesome and non-supermarket-tabloid The Denver Post is, but now their sports writers are talking about how the Olympics are making them horny. Specifically swimmers. Yeesh. Keep it in your pants, Henderson.

Reddit is an interesting place. Thing about it is all their stuff goes through the filters of those who read it, so the stuff you’re getting to see on the top level really is the best content. In this case, they have given rapists a place to admit to their crimes, anonymously, what they’ve done. Which is extremely weird, but quite eye-opening. As someone who thinks rapists are pieces of shit, I simply cannot imagine what’s running through their heads when committing such a disgusting act, nor can I fathom how they would justify their actions afterwards. Turns out, they manage the latter quite well.

Apparently midfield maestro Joe Allen has agreed to personal terms with LFC. I can hear The Bunk’s boner from here.

Enjoy the first day of August, wage slaves.

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