The editors of this Important Public Trust do not pull punches against miscreants who piss on your shoes and tell you it’s raining. We are equal-opportunity haters of cynicism and stupidity. HOWEVAH, this does not imply equal treatment, because some people (read “Mitt Romney”) are just better at being assholes than others.
We would say “it’s genetic”, but that might get us in trouble with the libtard thought police, the Chief Constable of which is none other than Colorado’s own David Sirota, who yesterday penned one of the silliest screeds ever to grace the electronic pages of Salon magazine. Considering that Mary Beth Williams is on Salon’s masthead, that’s really saying something.
According to Herr Sirota, who hosts a surprisingly good evening radio show on 630 KHOW with Michael “Heckuva Job, Brownie” Brown, it is faux pas to enthusiastically cheer for Team America at international sporting events, because jingoism.
You guys, it’s poor form to chant “USA, USA” because the US Olympic Committee was vaguely embarrassing in how it hosted the 1984 Olympiad in scenic Los Angeles, California when the Soviet Union and its client states boycotted us (after we boycotted the Moscow games in 1980, oh gawd how Cold War politics were juvenile). Also, we have a high infant mortality rate. In Sirota-land, you are only allowed to cheer for your countrymen and women if you are Japanese or Finnish. All offenders will be sent to sensitivity training.
Seriously, David Sirota is the reason some people hate liberals. Slate and Mother Jones’s resident lefty geniuses Matt Yglesias and Kevin Drum took to Twitter and called Sirota out on his fappery, to which Sirota called Yglesias a “snot-nosed coastal elite”, thereby killing irony forever. May it rest in pieces.
We command you to read the following web-links at your unemployed leisure:
A man/woman of mystery graces the electronic pages of Gawker and GQ. His/her nom de plume is Mobutu Sese Seko, an homage to the notorious kleptocrat former dictator of Zaire, known today as the Democratic Republic of Congo. Herr/Frau Mobutu has been in absolutely devastating form recently, tearing down the colossal embarrassment to ‘Merica that is Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign.
Last week, Mobutu chronicled Mittens’s unmitigated disaster of a trip to London, where he managed to upset everyone, draw unfavorable comparisons to Sarah Palin from senior government ministers, and be mocked by elected officials. If you liked this blog’s coverage of Mitt’s magical journey to Merrie Olde Englande, you’ll love Mobutu’s strong takes.
Two weeks ago, he/she delivered a blisteringly funny takedown of all of the contenders for Mittens’s vice presidential pick, surely the most poisoned of chalices.
Finally, yesterday Mobutu highlighted Romney’s breathtaking ignorance/trolling of the plight of the Palestinian people, whereby he chalked up the differences in living standards between them and Israelis to “culture” rather than “illegal occupation”, “economic sabotage”, and “apartheid”, which are the correct answers.
In other Romney news, someone bought his campaign approximately 150,000 fake Twitter followers in the space of a few days, an obvious and very statistically unlikely jump from the 3,500 new followers per day that had been signing up over the course of the summer.
Insert cheap gag about the appropriateness of a robotic man having robotic friends, and then go about your morning’s business, wage slaves.