The Morning Wood: There is No Reason to Vote Republican in 2012

A Helpful Guide to Regulating Ladybits, by Todd Akin (R-Etrograde)

No matter what demographic, economic, or ideological groupings you believe yourself to inhabit, there is no legitimate reason to vote Republican in 2012. Unless you’re a billionaire like Meyer Lansky Sheldon Adelson or a racist ignoramus (like Sheldon Adelson), you should either vote for the black guy or stay home. In no particular order, find your group identity below the fold and be appalled by the modern day GOPee, for freedom.

Paultards!
The GOP does not represent you. Seriously, you can’t even pull that single-issue gun crap because our Imperial Brown Overlord hasn’t done shit to your guns. He doesn’t CARE about your guns, he’s NOT THAT KIND OF DEMOCRAT. So what else y’got? The Fed? Do you honestly think any Republican is going to shut down the Fed?

Y’know what? I’ll make it really simple. Ron Paul isn’t going to get elected ever, not even if hell froze over and Satan himself ran out for a hot cocoa. HE WILL NEVER EVER EVER BE PRESIDENT. And frankly? He’d be a shitty president anyway. But by all means, I invite you to comment to this post with why you, as a Paultard, will vote for the GOP so I can dismantle your argument alphabetically and make you look like an imbecile.

Evangelicals!
The GOP doesn’t worship your God. They PRETEND, and you FALL for it. Every damn time. But do some research and you’ll see, with the exception of making women’s bodies into incubators (which has less to do with your moral code and more to do with supporting the patriarchy that shoves money in their fat, white bank accounts), they haven’t really done shit for you other than blow smoke up your lily-white arses. And if you don’t believe me, explain why several prominent STILL SITTING members of the GOP (federal and state levels) enjoyed the bounty of the Mariana Islands… home of slave labor, forced prostitution, forced abortions, and ‘Made In America’ stickers.

Women!
This Republican party has done you right in the ass, ladies. And they didn’t even leave you cab fare on the nightstand because that would be soshulism. Here’s just a couple things they’ve attempted, with varying degrees of legislative success:

True Conservatives!
Mittens is a compulsive liar. It’s amazing. I have yet to find a single issue he hasn’t been on both sides of. I expect campaign truth-stretching, but this guy just blatantly makes shit up. It’s stunning. He’s about as conservative as my left egg-sack, and trust me, the left one is a hooooooo.

The Entire Middle Class!
These guys want to take away the social safety net. That thing that will keep you from starving JUST IN CASE you don’t win that lottery. Why would you vote for these guys?!

Persons of Color!
You… just… I just…. THEY’RE FREAKING RAYCESS FER CHRISSAKES!!

/brainsplosion

Racists and Bigots! 
Sarah Palin, Faerie Queene of the Snowbillies, is still a bigoted, ass-faced thundercunt. So are her kids. Did y’all hear about her toddler grand-spawn dropping “faggot” on noted fertility symbol Bristol Palin’s reality TeeVee show? I wonder who he learned that from? What a precious little guy!

The mouth-breathing contingent should go ahead and vote Republican, cause they’re always invited to that party.

Consuming factory farmed avian carcasses, for bigotry!

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  1. [...] There is no factual basis for voting for the GOP this year, but we’ve been over that. [...]

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