The Morning Wood: Akin Breaky Heart

We’re trying something new today. Let us know in the comments if you like it.

Politics!
Todd Akin’s (R-Your Vagina) terrible, horrible, very bad day just continues on without an end in sight. His small lead in Missourah has disappeared, almost before he was finished with his masterful phrasing of “legitimate rape.” Senator Claire McCaskill, once legitimately worried about losing to the Tea Party-backed upstart, hasn’t had to say a word. And poor Mr. Akin just keeps talking.

He’s lost his backing, both from the GOP and the Tea Party. The entire country of Republicans — seeing that this could cost them their shots at office too — have called upon him to resign. He just says no, cuts more ads saying “sorry for my explosive boner!“, and goes on another talk show to once again justify what he said.

In the words of Springfield Police Chief Wiggum, “dig up, stupid.”

Meanwhile, despite attempting to distance themselves from the Missourah meathead, the GOP quietly announced that a constitutional amendment banning abortion — with no exceptions for cases of rape or incest or, conceivably, illegitimate rape — is going to be part of their national party platform.

It seems the party of hypocrites just got hypocrite-ier.

Sport!
Clinton Portis is retiring. So too are Sherriff Gonna Getcha, and Coach Janky Spanky, and all of the rest of Clinton’s interesting tribe of characters. So long, Clinton. You probably deserved better than the Redskins, but also you left Denver and Mike Shanahan’s rushing system in your prime, so… your fault.

LeBron James’ new shoes were announced yesterday. They cost $315. For shoes. Basketball shoes.

Lol, Georgia fans.

Enjoy Wednesday y’all. I’ll be coming back later with more, so stop by again, won’t you?

Comments

  1. I’ll happily stop by later! Thank you!

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