The Morning Wood: In Our Socialist Paradise, Every Day Will Be Friday

It’s Friday, and you haven’t been fired from your job in the salt mines (yet). So that’s good!

Here are some links with which you may expand your mind before the last of your willpower and productivity is extracted by the business partners and campaign donors of Willard, Lord Mittens of Romneyshire, for profits.

Magic Sam will be along later and promises to offer a rebuttal to my piece yesterday wherein I argued that it’s not really possible to know which side came out better in the 2004 NFL mega-deal that saw Clinton Portis head to Washington, DeeCee and Champ Bailey head to Denver. WHAT IS THIS TREACHERY?

My logic is flawless and utterly impregnable, obviously. This promises to be an interesting “debate”, so tune in during your lunch break if that still exists at your place of indentured servitude.

On to the links!

Decorated American road bicyclist Lance Armstrong is no longer contesting charges leveled by the United States Anti-Doping Agency alleging that he used illegal performance enhancing drugs. Mr. Armstrong still denies that he was doping, but in a statement yesterday he refused to recognize the authority of the USADA and basically washed his hands of the entire proceeding.

It is not clear what comes next; there are conflicting opinions as to whether the USADA has the authority to strip Mr. Armstrong of the various Tour de France and Olympic titles he won between 1998 and 2005 and ban him from competitive cycling for life, which would be superfluous in any case because Armstrong is retired.

Jennifer Rubin, a non sequitur generating machine employed by the Washington Post for reasons that evade the understanding of the editors of this sister publication, is usually so far off the mark that her commentary can only be deciphered if read as the driest of satire. For example, in July Madame Rubin attempted to spin Mittens Romney’s utterly calamitous road trip to the United Kingdom, Poland, and Israel as a smashing success. Ahahaha no, just no.

No one buys that silly shit. HOWEVAH, when it comes time to criticize members of her own party Ms. Rubin really shines. Do check out her piece in the Post’s Right Turn blog for a fascinating and rare look at a public breakdown in party discipline so shocking that it threatens to loom over the GOPee convention in scenic Tampa, Florida. Or will that be the tropical storm that may well be Hurricane Isaac by the time it rains down on the Gulf coast of Florida? Your correspondent is praying for swarms of locusts, but would settle for swarms of disaffected minorities. Or aggrieved Ron Paul delegates.

Ladies: According to a study by the State University of New York, regular absorption of seminal fluid acts as a natural antidepressant, possibly due to the presence of cortisol, estrone, oxytocin, thyrotropin, melatonin, and seratonin in man-paste.

So, not only will you be AIDS-ridden, syphilitic, and pregnant, but YOU WILL LIKE IT, HOOKERS!

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