The Morning Wood is a Lying Sack of Mitt

Last night, the life-like computer simulation Willard Mittens “Mitt” Romney accepted the nomination of the Grand Olde Party to deport Bammerz Hussein back to Indonesia/Hawaii/Kenya, the alleged land of his birth, in front of a howling crowd of sheeple whose equivalent of “four legs good, two legs ba-a-a-a-d” was “USA, USA!” as if this was the Olympic Mental Gymnastics competition.

Romneybot will fail, because with every passing day you will hear more stories like this, where it is revealed that not only did Mittenz not save bank depositors $30 million by successfully restructuring Bain & Company as he has told us, he actually fleeced them for $10 million while paying bonuses to executives who could not have earned them by any rational performance measure.

Like all those who rant against the federal gubmint, Mittens Romney and his investors benefited from a federal program (in this case, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation) more than most, and lied about it until they believed the lies to soothe the guilt of their rank hypocrisy.

Something, something, THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS, MITTENZ. Maybe the angel Moroni forgot to give that magick plate to Joseph Smith?

Fuck that guy. Let’s go to the links.

Formerly sane person Clint Eastwood delivered a rambling, ad-libbed monologue at an empty chair, upon which sat an Invisible Obama, at the final night of the GOPee convention in scenic Tampa, Florida.

No, I’m not clever enough to make that up.

This was some prime speechifying real estate, you guys. Better than the time slot handed to Condoleeza Rice, FFS. Better than anything except Mittens’s keynote and the sycophantic mumbling of Marco Rubio. And he talked at a chair.

At press time, this newspaper cannot confirm or deny that Mr. Eastwood’s speech was an avant-garde tribute to his departed fellow thespian Ronald Ray-gun. Pressing for a reaction to this astonishing performance, Ben Smith, politics reporter for BuzzFeed, quoted an anonymous convention attendee as saying “It’s like when you’re doing coke, crazy things seem normal.”

WOOF. See the whole thing in all its glory here, courtesy of the New York Times.

Science! ™
The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)’s Wide-field Infrared Survey Explorer (WISE) telescope recently spent fourteen months in orbit, scanning the entire universe twice and delivering stunning results: 2.5 million supermassive black holes (THASS RAYCESS?) and about 1,000 hot, dust-obscured galaxies, heretofore a missing link in our understanding of how the universe evolved.

This is the kind of basic science that expands humanity’s basic understanding of how we all came to be here, and should remind us of how utterly inconsequential we and our problems are in the larger scheme of things. What little we know of reality beyond our earthly bounds is already orders of magnitude more profound and awe-inspiring than the stone-age works of fiction that constituted knowledge in an age before the germ theory of disease, natural selection, and particle physics.

Future technological advances that actually improve the lives of humans, animals, and the environment are more likely to come from NASA than anyplace else. Although the annual growth in appropriations for ‘Merica’s unsustainable foreign military empire exceeds the entire NASA budget, in 2013 NASA will find itself with a reduction of about one billion dollars in resources compared to 2010. Politicians like to talk about JERB KREASHUN and economic growth, but they won’t see it as long as Congress prioritizes blowing shit up over the basic research that creates technologies, products, firms, jobs, and taxpayers.

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