The Morning Wood Is Training for a Half Marathon

Because we are unrepentant Soshulists, the editors of and contributors to this Vanguard of the Fourth Estate celebrated Labor Day yester-day by not bothering to labor on behalf of our three readers (Hi Mom!).

But now we must all return to the munitions factory, the better with which to spread FREEDUMB and other distinctly American values to all corners of the earth without regard to whether that is a sensible idea.

The Democratic National Convention starts today in Charlotte, North Carolina. Charlotte is a pure fabrication, a city that only exists in its present form because of the mergers of banks that were already too big to begin with, only became big because all of their liabilities were implicitly guaranteed by taxpayers, and then metastasized further until the financial system had a stroke from which it has not yet recovered. Bammers Hussein will accept his party’s re-nomination at Bank of America Stadium, a football arena sponsored by an admitted corporate felon.

Do not pay any attention to the DNCee. There has not been a meaningful national convention since 1952, and if anything actually happens we’ll let you know.

Now to the links, you provincial rubes!

Rock ‘n Roll!
Last week in scenic Tampa, Florida, the organizers of the Republican National Convention had underrated Irish rock band Thin Lizzy’s 1976 hit “The Boys are Back in Town” piped onto the convention floor, presumably to get the invited Catholic priest PUMPED UP to confer the day’s benediction.

The Romney/Ryan campaign has had difficulty playing popular music on its campaign stops without raising the ire of the artists, most recently Dee Snyder of the 1980s cock rock band Twisted Sister. The campaign countered at the RNC by playing Thin Lizzy, whose talismanic guitarist and lead singer Phil Lynott could not object to having his music desecrated because he has been dead since 1985. In his place, Mr. Lynott’s mother objected in an interview with the Irish rock magazine Hot Press to having her son’s music associated with what she described as the anti-poor, anti-gay policies of the GOPee.

Although a song about the triumphant return of an all-male raging band of motorcycle thugs seems eminently fitting, the Romney campaign’s options for musical accompaniment have now been whittled down to Megadeth, Hank Williams, Jr., and Ted Nugent. SADFASE.

FACT*: One time, Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin) started running west… fast. So fast in fact that he was able to run clear across the Pacific Ocean before the Earth’s gravity could pull him into the water, and he was still barely out of first gear. Somewhere over DARKEST AFRICA, contrary to all accepted models of particle physics Herr Ryan’s velocity actually exceeded the speed of light, proving once and for all that Science!™ is a myth invented by libruls who want to punish achievement.

So, for Young Master R-Ayn a sub-three hour marathon time is totes no big deal you guys. If he wanted to, Paul Ryan could finish a marathon ever so slightly earlier than when he started it, and he doesn’t care that you welfare-statists can’t wrap your minds around that. Unless you have a lot of money Congressman P90X would like to cordially invite you to eat a bag of dicks, and choke on it.

Reefer Madness!
Known dabbler in controlled substances Barry Hussein NoBama just cut a campaign advertisement with Harold and Kumar that gave me the lulz.

Nice pandering BRObama, now quit bogarting the launchbox!

Rather disappointingly, the Obamanista regime’s Drug Enforcement Agency has been responsible for wide-ranging crackdowns on medical marijuana in states such as California and Colorado, where voters have repeatedly come out in favor of sensible policies towards a naturally occurring plant with palliative properties and orders of magnitude fewer undesirable side effects than alcohol and tobacco, which are of course legal. Barry is hoping that the stoners simultaneously a. have forgotten about this and b. won’t forget to vote Obama on the 6th of Her Majesty’s November.

Fat chance, sucka!

Your correspondent has heard rumors that sensible drug laws will be a major initiative in the second term of Prezident 4 Lyfe Obama, but that is probably just wishful thinking. Howevah, the mere existence of this advertisement is a bold move, and the editors of this publication will be waiting intently to see how the campaign follows up.

Colorado and New Mexico are swing states with large numbers of unaffiliated voters and possibly larger numbers of recreational marijuana smokers. Barry probably needs to win both states to sucessfully resist the challenge of the human-esque Willard, Lord Mittens of Romneyshire, so this could get interesting.

*not intended to be a factual statement

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