Mitt Romney Has Never Experienced Morning Wood

Monday Monday Monday, oh how I loathe thee.

You there, peasant. Is your name Dennis, perhaps?

No?

Well that’s okay. Feel free to procrastinate doing anything productive and read about the silly things going on in the world instead, for freedom.

Mittens!
Faced with polling and statistical models that suggest that the 2012 presidential contest is slipping out of the well-manicured hands of Willard, Lord Mittens of Romney, his campaign is resorting to that most desperate of countermeasures: to actually be specific about his policy prescriptions for America.

Heretofore, the the 2012 R-Money campaign (which began precisely six seconds after his ludicrous 2008 primary concession speech to the victorious John “WALNUTS” McCain) had focused on the stagnant economy and the specious argument that a Wall Street biznes suit knows best how to heal an economy that had been taken to the brink by the unchecked speculative excesses and criminality of other Wall Street biznes suits.

HOWEVAH, to their credit the independent voting elements in swing states never bought into this argument, and so Team Romney now find themselves well adrift of the noted brown person Barry Hussein, perhaps the most vulnerable incumbent preznit since Herbert Hoover.

What, you may ask, would His Lord High Hairgel specifically do if given the chance by a wishy-washy, homosek-syoo-ul, namby-pamby, liberal United States Senate? According to the right-leaning DeeCee e-rag Politico, Herr Romney will improve ‘Merica’s economy by starting a trade war with China and a real war with Iran.

Yay!

Like Mom jeans and zygotes, pandering to jingoists and Xtian jihadists is never out of fashion in the GOPee’s parallel universe.

Angry Muslins!
The fallout from the laughably bad Innocence of Muslims, a “film” directed by a purveyor of 1980s cheese-dick softcore pr0n intended solely to blaspheme the prophet Muhammad and enrage a billion of his modern-day devotees, has continued through the weekend with violent protests in Afghanistan and Indonesia.

You guys, Islam is a religion of peace, and if you disagree you will be killed. <— Yes, it is that easy to denigrate the sacred beliefs of one fifth of the world’s population when a small minority of them behave so badly when their faith is ridiculed on the internet. By totally failing to rein in their juvenile instincts to throw a piss-fit at any criticism of their prophet, the angry hordes played right into the hands of the cynical people that bankrolled this crime against cinema.

Kind of like how the U.S. and A. responded to 9/11 exactly as Mister Bin Laden hoped it would, by starting ill-conceived land wars in Asia and creating a fear-mongering security state at home.

Too soon??

Sport!
Robert Griffin III, the rookie quarterback of the National Football League’s Warshington Redskeeins, is the best thing that has happened to that storied football club since their 37-24 victory over the hapless Buffalo Bills in Super Bowl XXVI. #BlackJesus followed up his impressive Week 1 statistics (19-26, 320 yards, 2 TDs, 0 INTs) with another strong outing (20-29, 206 yards, 3 TDS (2 rushing), 1 INT) in a loss to the suddenly impressive St. Louis Rams that might have been a victory but for the mind-numbing idiocy of wideout Josh Morgan, whose unsportsmanlike conduct penalty halted the Skins’ two-minute drill and put them out of field goal range.

Mr. Morgan lost his head after he and his teammates (and especially RGIII) were subjected to trash talk and cheap shots throughout the game by virtually the entire Rams organization. Gamesmanship is a hallmark of any team managed by the talking mustache Jeff Fisher, and the replacement referee corps was completely unprepared to deal with it.

This evening, the FOOTBAW continues as your Denver Broncos travel to Hot-lanta to take on Matt Ryan and the Falcons (6:30 PM Mountain, ESPN). Magic Sam may or may not have certain things to say about that later today.

Stay tuned, pissants!

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