The Money Badger’s Morning Wood

We coined the Money Badger nickname about a week ago, you guys, and little did we know that His Lord High Hairgel, Sir Mittens of Romney would live up to the moniker so quickly.

But boy, oh boy, did he ever.

Mother Jones, one of the finest real journalism outlets left on this godforsaken rock you call home, is good at secret video. At revealing that which is hidden.

And yesterday, MJ released a video wherein one Money Badger told us all what he thought of those of us who will not vote for him: That we’re lazy, that we take handouts from the government, and that we don’t pay taxes. 150 million of us are parasites, and we should basically eat shit and die.

Last night, asked whether the words on tape are his core convictions, Romney ignored the question (with his trademark smirk) and now we have the most Romney video ever.

It’s been a no good, very bad, terrible couple of weeks for the GOP nominee for President. That alone is hard to deny. There have been multiple outlets reporting multiple times that each gaffe was the one that will cost him the presidency. And I am generally not a fan of believing stories like that, especially two months before an election.

But this is the type of stuff that adds up. Can anyone trust anything about Mittens anymore? Could they ever? He doesn’t care about the poor (mostly youngs and Olds and minorities), has taken a stand against women being anything but baby factories, and won’t tell us his plans for the economy, foreign policy, or anything else.

Even Mitt knows it’s probably over for him. He has to.

Of course, reaction to the video has been fast and furious, with Mitt clarifying, for the record, that he really does not care for you people and also stop asking him because EWWWWW POORS. I think it’s safe to extrapolate Mitt’s humble worldview onto his wife’s, making her “you people” comment a little less innocuous.

Don’t you worry, though. Fox Nation calls it “Romney Gets Real,” and Fox Nation’s readers — assuming they can read [Note: No. -Ed.] — call that post “inspiring.”

These people… I don’t understand them. Are they thinking that someday they’ll be lucky enough to be rich like Money Badger? Is that how this is working? They’ve been deluded into thinking that they do can win some fabulous prizes and A NEW CARRRRRRRRRRRR! with hard work and bootstraps, as long as that dangol OBUMMER is out of office. It would be adorable if it wasn’t so scary.

Angry Muslins!
If you can’t count on former meth cookers to make awful movie trailers mocking the Profit Prophet Mohammed (Peace Be Upon Him), who can you count on? Amirite?

Don’t worry, Newsweek’s got your Muslim-baiting DOWN, and it’s funny because HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA they think they’re people, the end. Whatever you do, don’t fucking apologize for being a collection of dickbags hung on a Christmas tree. That would be wrong, and un-murrkkan.

So the replacement refs were even worse this weekend, you guys. I will have more about this later, so check back.

I feel you quiver with anticip………….ation.


  1. If you want the real reason why Romney’s comments were so costly, it just may be because he painted some of his most likely supporters as freeloaders who are married to Obama.

    From the American Conservative, with information from the conservative Tax Foundation:


  1. [...] far the best takedown (besides our own, duh) of Lord Touch-of-Gray®’s newest foibles  came from the Onion, under the headline [...]

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