An Appeal From The Editors

Good morning.

As we close in on the anniversary of this fine multimedia conglomerate’s creation, its editors are in a reflective mood. After almost eleven months of publishing original, award-winning content every day (excepting federal holidays and most weekends), two hundred seventy-seven posts, and over 47,000 page views, we have come to one of those Decision Points™ that the noted war criminal George W. Bush talked about in that book that nobody read.

Basically, this web-zine has reached the limit of what can reasonably be expected in terms of quality and readership given the amount of time and resources its two regular contributors can muster.

Having experimented a bit over the last few weeks and seen clear results, we are convinced that the the only way forward is to publish several well-written items per day. HOWEVAH, Magic Sam and I both have full-time jobs and occasionally enjoy sleeping, getting shitcanned, and other things that are unrelated to blogging about penis jokes and Marxism.

So, dearest readers, we need your help. If you are intelligent enough (and thick-skinned enough) to read this blog regularly, you can almost certainly contribute to it. And if you want to continue reading it, you (yes you) are going to have to step up to the plate.

We need to find writers that can commit to submitting regular content, even if it’s only one piece per month.

If you are concerned that your writing skillz are rusty, don’t be. None of us is the next Christopher Hitchens anyway, so what who cay-uhs? We will edit you and make you sound smarter and more funny, and you’ll be writing under a pseudonym and that’s kinda cool. We’ll work with you from outlining through to the final product, your writing skills will improve dramatically, and you’ll have the satisfaction of having a large and growing audience. And that’s its own reward, which is good because there will be no monetary compensation of any kind (for the moment, at least).

If we can get firm commitments for twenty (20) pieces of original content per month, we will have some breathing room to actually, y’know, proofread and edit our stuff before we send it out into the harsh, unforgiving world of internet sarcasm. And that will expand our readership, and if all goes to plan we’ll have a virtuous cycle of new contributors, quality content, and new readers.

That is our goal. It is a reasonable goal. If we don’t reach this goal, it will be yet more evidence that Islam is the one true faith, God hates us all, and we should give up on our dream of making a living writing funny words.

You don’t want to kill our dream, right?

RIGHT??

Interested parties should e-mail publius1981@gmail.com as soon as is practicable.

November 4 marks the anniversary of the Daily Dick Punch. That’s a Sunday, which according to Christ Tebow is a day of rest. Therefore, we will wait until the smoke/tear gas clears after the sinister Kenyan Prime Minister Barak Husayn Ubamma secures reëlection on Tuesday, November 6 before we decide the fate of this blog.

Good day.

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