Friday Fun with Search Terms

Operating a web-log, especially one with a naughty name, gives us a unique insight into the depravity of people who stalk the interweb (it’s a series of tubes).

People who use Google Search are WEIRD, you guys, and over the last eleven months or so we’ve seen some seriously funny search terms lead to pageviews from the paraphilic fringes of society.

For example, fully sixteen of the top twenty search terms that have driven traffic to our site have been for underground donkey-human pornography. These sick fucks, who typically search for some combination of the terms “Denver Broncos New Uniforms 2012″ account for well over 4,000 hits and close to 9.0% of all of the traffic generated by this fine online newsletter.

Here’s a sampling of some of the other Google search terms that have given us the lulz. Every one of these terms has come up more than once.

The Ghey:

  • “Gays Playing With Their Crotch”
  • “Gay Ball Grab”
  • “Hot Guys Crotch Grabbing”
  • “Fernando Torres Dick”
  • “Big Crotch Grabbing”
  • “Men Ball Grab”
  • “Frank Ocean Dick”

Search Terms for Breeders:

  • “Diagram to Lady Bits”
  • “Fat Chick in Steelers Outfit”
  • “Fat Steelers Chick”
  • “He Popped My Cherry”
  • “Sexy Girl Panty”
  • “Hot Girl in Football Shoulder Pads”
  • “Euro 2012 Sexi”
  • “Hot Girl in Panties”
  • “Alabama Football Sexy”
  • “Shapely Girls”


  • “Romney LOL”
  • “Same Shit Different Asshole Obama”
  • “Fuck Mitt Romney”
  • “Redneck Mitt Romney”
  • “Romney Ryan ‘Eat the Poor’”
  • “Mitt Romney is a Clown”

and last but not least by any means, Tebow!:

  • “Tim Tebow Kissing Men”
  • “Tebow Cock”
  • “Tim Tebow Dick”
  • “Tim Tebow Jesus”
  • “Tebow Crying”
  • “Tim Tebow Cherry”
  • “Tebowners”

That’s terrific. Starting next Friday we’ll be playing Mad Libs with the best of the week’s NSFW search terms. Should be a hoot!

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