Morning Wood: Monday, 1 October 2012

Good morning, troglodytes. Mondays are dumb, like Honey Boo Boo Child dumb, and I don’t want any part of it so I’m going back to bed. In the meantime, please do peruse the morning links below and put Type O Negative’s October Rust album on heavy rotation, for freedom.


Thirty-six days remain until the 2012 presidential election, which is without a doubt the single most important election in American History, until the next one. The campaign of the Mexican aristocrat W. Mitt Romnero is on life support, down in the polls in almost every state the Mittster simply has to win to reach the magic 270 electoral college votes.

But that’s okay you guys, because according to Chris Christie, the gluttonous Governor-General of Her Majesty’s New Jersey, this campaign hasn’t really started! That’s right, Mitt Romney’s constant fuckups and “47% of Americans are degenerate leeches” video don’t matter because no one pays any attention to presidential elections until the debates anyway.

How very, very convenient for the Romney camp!

Mittens, who is clearly very good at speaking off the cuff about important issues, is totes gonna wipe the floor with the noted Irish Muslim Barry Hussein O’BUMMER at the domestic policy “debate” on Wednesday at the scenic University of Denver, an expensive liberal arts college with a pretty campus and the best lacrosse team outside the LAX-bro date rape corridor running between Princeton, New Jersey and Durham, North Carolina.

I for one look forward to Mitt Romney a. calling Barry a liar, b. insisting that Barry-care cuts $700 trillion from Medi-scare, and then c. a space-time discontinuity forming from the sheer mass of Romney’s rank hypocrisy, killing us all in the process but we probably deserve it anyway so fuck it.

Magic Sam was a solitary point in the Giants – Iggles Sunday Night Football game away from being 4 wins out of 4 in his Sunday spread betting picks.  That’s not shabby, and with J. Cutlerfucker just itching to throw three interceptions in the Jerruh Dome tonight in scenic Arlington, Texas, this looks like a good weekend to have wagered your drug money with the pros, i.e., us.

Tottenham Hotspur went to Old Trafford, Manchester, Northwest England on Saturday and beat the noted villains Manchester United at their own ground for the first time since 1667, when the game was played by entire villages using the severed head of a Catholick.

It is notable enough when ManYoo lose at home, but this particular occasion is special for all ‘Mericans because two of our own were in the starting eleven for Spurs: the ancient but still very good goalkeeper Brad Friedel and the attacking midfielder Clint Dempsey, who scored the eventual winning goal in the 52nd minute at the beginning of a rowdy second half in which three goals flew in in the space of three minutes. The Red Devils™ laid siege to the Tottenham goal but couldn’t find a way through; their 3-2 home loss leaves them four points adrift of early leaders Chelsea through six matches with Spurs a solitary point behind.

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