Grizzlies Vs. Bears for Ursidae Supremacy

Bear attack!

Well, not really. The Montana Grizzlies (2-2) meet the Northern Colorado Bears (who cares? They’re terrible) at Nottingham Field in scenic (and awful, and smelly) Greeley, Colorado. These aren’t your Magic Sam’s Montana Grizzlies, accusations of a Program Out Of Control have cost the team players, a coach, and an athletic director, and the Griz find themselves outside of the top 25 of the FCS for the first time in 89 years, according to a statistic I just made up.

I will be there, along with The Bunk, Alan The Young, Vincent Casablancas (allegedly) and several others in our rarified rooting interest, cheering our Griz through the murky air, filled with the stench of cow droppings and beheaded cattle.

In other words, I can’t wait!

Will there be beer? Naturally. The finest 8 pack of Cold Smoke from Kettlehouse Brewing Co. in Missoula, along with a sixer of limited edition (and therefore delicious) Slow Elk Oatmeal Stout from Big Sky are my contributions to the meat-and-beer-fest we will be enjoying.

Will there be football? Yes, the Griz will play football, along with the closest approximation that the UNC Bears can come up with. I’m not anticipating much, but two years ago when I attended this game, they managed to keep it close.

For the first quarter of the first quarter, or so.

Prediction: Montana 41, UNC 10

After the jump for some pro-football betting lines and how to get yourself rich.

As for pro football, here are your bets of the week (home team in CAPS):

Packers (-7) over COLTS
This will not be a close game. Take the Pack to win outright.

Ravens (-6.5) over CHIEFS
The Chiefs are awful. Like, legendarily-bad, fans-talking-about-an-Arab-Spring-type-uprising bad. I know that Camarowhead Stadium used to be a fortress, but not with Matt Cassel under center. The guy is not good at playing football, and neither are the Chiefs. Take the very-good Ravens instead.

Broncos (+6.5) over PATRIOTS
Look, I know nobody gives the Broncos a shot in hell at this game, but that line is just large enough to make me doubt the veracity of its claim. Both teams are 2-2, the Patriots haven’t looked like world beaters, and even lost their home opener (to the Cardinals!11!!). They’re still good, but are they the team that gave Denver nightmares last year while rolling over Tim Tebow on their way to the Super Bowl? I say no. They may win, but it won’t be by 7.

LOCK OF THE WEEK:
Bears (-3.5) over JAGUARS
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA, are you kidding me? How is it even possible that this is the right line? Take the Bears to pound it, hard.

Monday Nighter: SAINTS (-3.5) over Chargers
Chargers are atop their division, and the Saints haven’t won a game. But matchup wise, this might be the worst possible matchup for the powder puffs. Plus, they’re going into a very loud Superdome, and the Saints are not going to lose all their games. Plus, that offense is still ridiculous. Saints by 10.

PROP BET OF THE WEEK:
Over/Under: Will Mark Sanchez be sacked more than three times?
The Jets are playing the Texans, and it’s going to be a laugher. We may even get to see Jesus Boy come out to derp his way through a couple of quarters. The answer is yes, oh jesus god, yes. He’ll be sacked 37 times this weekend, more than enough to win this propper.

Enjoy the games, y’all. Drink a lot.

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