The Morning Wood Is A Shell of Its Former Self

What can you say about the Chargers in the second half that hasn’t already been said about Afghanistan? Those motherfuckers were bombed-out and depleted, thinking they’d already won a game that was only half over.

And now, the silliness begins.

Can you beLIEVE there are still those holding on to the notion that Denver should not have signed Peyton fucking Manning? Can you beLIEVE that there are folks out there who think the only quarterback capable of a comeback lives in New Jersey and wears number 15?

I want you to think about the idea of Tim Tebow still being this team’s starter, and whether Denver would have won that game last night. And if you think there’s any chance — any at all, even with Tebow’s god-given comebacks — I want you to punch yourself in the face, dunk your head in water, punch yourself again, and rejoin all of us in reality.

The answer is no. No way. No chance. Tim Tebow’s record against good teams (as the Chargers most certainly are, though they obviously don’t know how to salt away a game after giving up a 10 point lead last week and a 24 point lead last night) is abysmal. YES, “he beat” the Steelers in the playoffs, a team that was injured and old and not all that good, and gave us a wonderful memory. I know. The idea of him leading a comeback of 24 points while throwing the football is laughable, and the truth is he likely would have derped around until the fourth quarter, finally getting two touchdowns in garbage time near the end.

Not good enough.

Know who is good enough? Denver’s new quarterback. And I submit that it’s games like last night which make you go out and pay nearly $100 million for Peyton Manning.

As for me, I’m a wreck. After a game in which I’d nearly written off my team for the remainder of the season based on one half of absolutely pathetic football, turned my attitude (and it can be argued, the team) around by switching up my beer drinking strategy (from Coors Banquet to weightier craft offerings, and drinking much, much more). Obviously, I was the difference. Then I hit The Spot for a few shots and celebratory fistpumps. And I woke up still #drunj.

Obviously, I won too.

The Links:
Want to relive the magic of last night’s comeback? You should.

Seems like Norv Turner really has solid control of his team, and his quarterback. “WHAT? HUH? WHAT? FUCK YOU!” Cue mouth-breathing Chargers fans telling me that Rivers doesn’t curse, because something something CHRISTIANITY and ROLE MODEL. Note to those people: First, I don’t believe you, and second, I don’t care. In fact, when you tell me that on Twitter later, you should probably just picture me giving you the Rivers-to-Norv blowoff treatment.

Remember when THIS happened? Guess what? We live in the Internet age, so obviously it’s a meme now. Be careful when pretending to trip on your own feet out there, kids.

Also, Jay Cutler wants you to know that it really hurts his delicate feelers when you make fun of him or say mean things or imply that he doesn’t give a fuck about Chicago or his teammates. He totally does, when it suits him to do so. Also, here’s him “singing” at Wrigley Field, totally giving a fuck. Also, Brian Urlacher would like you to stop hating on Jay Cutler, even if he is a whiny little bitch, to which I say “yes sir. I’m sorry. Please don’t hurt me.”

Oh, there was baseball on last night, too. /wanking motion

The Bunk will be along shortly to make you giggle. Check back in with us.

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