The Morning Wood Learned A Lot Last Night

Well, the second Presidential Debate was last night.

CANDY CROWLEY: Actually, Mr. Sam, the Vice Presidential Debate counts as a “Presidential Debate,” meaning this was actually the third Presidential Debate.


Fuckin’ Crowley. Partisan hack because I don’t like being corrected because I’m Sam, goddammit, and I get to say what I want all the time AND CAN I JUST BE PRESIDENT NOW? GOSH.


Seriously, that’s essentially what happened last night when His Lord High Hairgel Sir Mittens of Romneyshire made an accusation that the President (or as Mitt says, “Preznint”) did not call the attack on the US Embassy in Libya “an act of terror” for “two long weeks.” And then Candy Crowley, debate moderator and likely eater of the last brownie (bitch) corrected him, mentioning that President Barry Hussein NOBAMA did in fact call the incident “an act of terror.” And then Mitt’s face got radish red and then Twitter started claiming that Crowley was a partisan hack and in the President’s pocket (FOR CORRECTLY FACTCHECKING THE DEBATE IN REAL TIME, which took some brass fucking balls, by the way) because Twitter is hivemind groupthink echo chamber now for the #Breitbart army.

Would have been better if she’d been more assertive, but at least she got the facts right. Mitt was assertive as hell and was wrong, making him look like a dipshit. BOOSH (and/or “Kakow”).

The President showed up to the debate looking for a fight last night, and he got one. Polls immediately afterwards showed Obama with a fairly universal overall win — only about 36% of those surveyed thought Mittens had won, compared with 47-49% for the Kenyan Prime Minister — though somehow, said the Republicans on various cable news panels, Romney’s plan (which doesn’t add up math-wise and likely wouldn’t work even if it did, thanks to its overwhelmingly bold growth predictions) won with undecideds because… because… because he called it a five point plan. So. Yeah. Smh. “People are still stupid? I am shocked,” said no one.

One of my favorite parts of this particular debate season has been the overwhelming availability of some really excellent live blogs. Snarky commentary and debates go together like whipped cream and gravy, and if only we’d had a blogosphere in the early oughts, maybe we wouldn’t have gotten 8 years of mind-numbing presidency from DUHbya. That would have been nice, I think. Here are some links to some excellent live blogs, by writers we respect a whole heckuva lot. WonketteGawkerThe Daily BeastThe Daily DickpunchFiveThirtyEight

Of course, the lasting images from last night’s debate will be mostly gaffes, specifically from the Romney camp. He bragged about how there weren’t any women in his State of Massachusetts cabinet when he arrived, so he sent away for “binders full of women” so he could have a look at some resumes of some pre-qualified females to get all up ins. Of course, he never sent away for those binders; they were sent to him without his request by a coalition of women’s groups called MassGAP. And then, once he had that information, the number of women in high-ranking positions in his administration actually FELL. Because, children, Mitt Romney is a fucking lying sack of shit. Also, in nearly two decades at vulture capital firm Bain, there was never ever ever ever ever a single female partner. This is a man who LOVES equality, folks. Loves it.

Oh, and then there’s the small detail of Romney opposing the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. They didn’t have any binders of women for him to look at, obvs.

In other corners of the political spectrum, local politics in South Carolina (what a shock) to be specific, a county councilman has been forced by LIBRUL COURTS AND WHATNOT to admit that he was once a member of the Ku Klux Klan. Of course, this probably helped him in South fucking Carolina. But he quit! Was it because of the burning crosses? The poor wardrobe choices? The hate? Nah, turns out he doesn’t like meetings. You know, like everyone else in the history of ever.

Heroes and/or Cheaters
Wellp, it’s been a fun ride, Lance Armstrong. Sorry you did the same thing people in your sport DO every single fucking day and that you won partially because of it and got caught. Now, apparently, your foundation, which has done really good things for a lot of people going through a lot of suffering and pain, is worth nothing to morons like Hamilton Nolan (who I normally like, but who is WAY off base on this one) because HURR DURR THOSE BRACELETS R DUM U GYZ. Also, Nike dropped him from their roster of athletes.

I get him stepping down, and I get Nike severing ties. I really do. But the fact that he took part in some doping does not change what he’s done for thousands of people with Cancer. I’m going to continue my support of the Livestrong Foundation, keep participating in their fundraising events and efforts like Ski4Yellow (which I’d highly recommend for anyone who enjoys winter sports), and I’m going to keep wearing my fucking bracelet. Hamilton Nolan can kiss my black ass.

Good talk. See you out there.

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