Two virile whippersnappers will show up tonight to debate foreign policy in Boca Raton, Florida. They’re going to discuss sending American citizens to die in the place where American citizens go to retire and die. It really is quite poetic.
In the Red Corner, Lord High Hairgel Sir Mittens of Romneyshire will continue to advocate bombing Iran, and Iraq, and Egypt, and Canada, getting the old ladies all excited in their swimsuit areas (and judging by the size of Ann’s swimsuit, that could be almost anywhere) with his preemptive strike talk and his fierce defense of Israel for his buddies in the region. Sounds like sound policy to me! Unless he changes his mind before the debates and tracks back towards the center. Let’s face it: He’s done this before.
And in the Blue Corner, Kenyan Prime Minister Barrack Hussein NOBAMA, a Thinking Man’s President (if that thinking man were from darkest Afrika), one who believes in looking before he leaps, and using diplomatic efforts whenever possible or until our diplomats are killed and dragged into the streets of Libya, which he will then call/not call it an act of terror in the Rose Garden.
And we need… let’s see… 90 minutes for this shitshow? Why? We know Mittens’ response to everything, and we have seen four years of Barack’s choices.
The Bunk will be along shortly to discuss tonight’s pre-debate update to the Romney CPU, and as always, Mlle. Bebe Gottbach will be liveblogging the actual debate so The Bunk and I may continue killing ourselves with alcohol. Gonna be a big night, I guess.
Hey, good news for those of us who like fair elections: The Romney family has purchased a company that makes voting machines which will be used in this election! Huzzah! But not to worry gang, if you’re concerned about whether or not the election will be rigged, I will give you piece of mind: These voting machines, the ones that the Romneys have a significant financial interest in, are only going to be used in battleground states like Colorado, Florida, Ohio, and North Carolina. So, yeah. Breathe easy, I guess.
FiveThirtyEight.com shows the significant gender voter gap in this year’s proceedings, and it’s pretty damn interesting. Turns out the gender gap has never been this wide. And yet still, somehow, despite Romney wanting to close Planned Parenthood, cut off funding for women’s health (and all health), and stop Obamacare (except for the parts people like, seriously he’ll keep those (because something something ELECTION), women are going to vote for him. For Mitt Romney. Anti-women’s ANYTHING. He would very respectfully ask you to get your bitch ass back into the kitchen and make him some pie. For FREEDOM®.
Romney, to his credit, realizes that in this economy, we do not need Obamacare. Things are hard enough without giving us a longer life expectancy, I say. I should be able to die in a hospital emergency room from a treatable disease. Like an American, god dammit. And then that bill should be paid by my fellow man. Because of personal responsibility, or something.
But not to worry, friends. Romney would never distort his opponent’s record. Frankly, he’s offended at the suggestion. Probably. Unless he isn’t. Give it a couple of days, and he might be, maybe.
I’d heard about this video for about a week, but I’d generally rather read something quickly and get the gist than watch an entire video because that takes time and WHAT I OBVIOUSLY DON’T HAVE IN THIS WORLD IS TIME, YOU GUYS. But this is well worth a watch, and all the way through. Sometimes people surprise you, and it’s really wonderful when they do.
A melancholy Happy Trails today to George McGovern, written for us by former Senator Gary Hart.
That’s it for me today. Enjoy your Monday, wage slaves.