Redskins Rewind: Week Seven

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RGThreesus

Good afternoon, semi-literate peasants, and welcome to another episode of Redskins Rewind, where your correspondent delivers a post-mortem of the Sons of Washington’s most recent match.

Later in the week, this vaunted sports periodical will host a discussion of whatever Skins-related topic has been trending in the god damn librul media, and I’ll preemptively eulogize the Pittsburgh Steelers, who will surely be vanquished on Sunday by the holy hands of RGThreesus.

You may ask yourself: “Do I recall seeing a ‘Redskins Rewind’ for weeks one through six of smash mouth footbaw?”

You do not, and this time it’s not because of your early-onset Alzheimer’s Disease. Rather, it is because your dutiful correspondent had dutifully neglected to write anything about them Skeinz. But those days are OVER, you guys.

I love ‘Merican football, almost as much as I enjoy the real football. Howevah, the NFL doesn’t fully grasp my attention until my beloved Washington Racists Redskins commence their intradivisional hostilities with the hated Noo Yawk Gints, Philadelphia Iggles and, most hatedly, Jerruh Jones and the Dallas Cowgurlz.

I would like to say that this is because of the unique character of the NFC East, where every game is an old-fashioned rock fight and all four teams are historically above average, like the children of Lake Wobegon but less white, presumably, and THASS RAYCESS.

It’s the same way with American League East baseball. I know it’s cute that you support your local non-AL East farm team, but seriously your only important decision to make is who to loathe more: the Yankees or the Fackin’ Red Sawx.

In summation, I am a provincial ME-FIRST GLOREE BOY deluded into self-importance by the hometown biases of the “national” sports media.

This season, the burgundy and gold’s divisional schedule is heavily skewed towards the second half of the season, with all six HAWT NFC LEAST MATCHUPS coming in the final ten games. I like it that way, and I hope the league decides to make this schedule standard for everyone because it creates the largest number of playoff scenarios for the maximum number of teams, for the longest span of the season.

Hand Wringing and Recriminations from Week Seven: Redskins 23, Gints 27

The Gints entered Sunday’s game as the top team in several power rankings lists, but there was not much daylight between these two sides as both were supremely efficient on offense in the first three quarters. The Redskins had basically no answer for Hakeem Nicks and Victor Cruz and the Giants were carved up by RGIII and the increasingly impressive Alfred Morris.

In the fourth quarter, neither team seemed to want to win. After an astonishing four combined turnovers the Skins found themselves on top 23-20 at the two minute warning thanks to the one-off athleticism of Bob Griffin. All the Redskins had to do was not give up a big play on defense. So, because Jim Haslett is an agent of Satan sent to Earth to infuriate me, the Skins secondary let Victor Cruz out-race them all for a 77-yard touchdown. One more turnover, this time from the otherwise excellent Santana Moss, aborted the Skins’ final drive and handed a (possibly undeserved) victory to the G-Men.

Is Alfred Morris the Next Terrell Davis?

It’s come up a couple of times in the media, and it did again on Sunday, as the Fox Sports broadcast flashed an infographic comparing the rookie running back’s figures favorably with those of Terrell Davis through his first six games with the Denver Broncos.

The statistician in me is inclined to ignore such comparisons; the power of this test is low because of a small sample size. That said, the superficial similarities in running style are there, and the Shanahan boyz seemed to have rekindled their old power running game, which I love.

HOWEVAH, there has already been a “next Terrell Davis”. His name is Clinton Portis, and had he stayed in Denver he would have become a first ballot hall of famer in my humble opinion. Lured by the money and the temptations of Chocolate City™, Mr. Portis was never given a supporting cast worthy of his potential as a player.

Alfred Morris reminds me a bit more of a Redskin tailback of yore: Stephen Davis, a thoroughly under-rated back who won the NFL rushing title with them Skeeins in 1999 and 2001.

Injuries, Ugh

With Brian Orakpo, Adam Carriker, and Fred Davis now lost for the season and Pierre Garcon out indefinitely, the Skins are down four of their best players. With Reed Doughty and London Fletcher taking knocks on Sunday as well, by week 15 your correspondent will be the Redskins’ starting free safety, and that’s not what chu want.

Being without so many important players and yet still being more than competitive against the champions in their own house is a reason for optimism and makes one wonder how potent the Skins would be if they were healthy. That line of thinking can be deceiving though; remember when the Kansas City Chiefs lost five big players last year and everybody thought they’d be a threat in the AFC West this year? Ahahaha.

Darrell Green Redskin of the Week: Although his fumble ended the game as a contest, Santana Moss picked up the slack after Fred Davis’s achilles injury, scampering thirty yards for his first touchdown and making an over-the-shoulder catch look easy for his second. Mr. Moss just shaded RGIII (20 of 28 for 258 yards and 2 TDs, 9 carries for 89 yards, but also an INT and two fumbles) and Alfred Morris, who did everything that was asked of him (finding holes, hitting them very hard, racking up 120 yards) but couldn’t punch into the end zone and fumbled away a promising 3rd quarter drive.

Albert Haynesworth Deadskin of the Week: In the first quarter, Fred Davis was penalized for an illegal motion that negated an excellent touchdown by the noted knucklehead Josh Morgan. A few plays later, Señor Davis tore his achilles tendon and will miss the remainder of the season. The Skins settled for a field goal, and the four points lost just happened to equal the Giants’ margin of victory.

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