The search term of the week is “Romney will abolish the Securities & Exchange Commission”. You heard it here first, folks.
To the links, you silly fucks!
According to Nate Silver’s autoritative FiveThirtyEight blog over at the loony librul New York Times, Prezident Bammers Hussein is currently expected to squeak by with 50.2% of the general electorate, which corresponds to a 73.1% chance that he’ll get the necessary 270 Electoral College votes to keep the fires of anti-colonialism burning strong for four more years.
Meanwhile, the political betting market at Intrade has Barry Osama as a 62% favorite to secure reëlection. If you are inclined (like me) to put more faith in the stats than in the market & if you happen to have some money left over from your latest narcotics bender (unlike me), this is your trigger to bid on Obama until the price reflects the FiveThirtyEight projection.
As the days wind down and it becomes ever more difficult for Mittens Romney to pick up swing voters, barring COCKTOBER SURPRISE the Intrade price on Barry will need to be bid up. So, unless you think the voters of Ohio, Colorado, Virginia, and Nevada will all come down with a case of Romnesia on November 6 it’s time to cash out your childrens’ college funds and put it all on Barry. If you can stay liquid longer than the Intrade market stays irrational, this could be the best market opportunity since The Face Book’s IPO, ahahaha.
You guys, pagan rituals like Halloween are superstitious and occult-y and wrong. Therefore we need to superimpose the astringent power of Jesucristo® over them like we did with Christmas and Easter. If you agree, be sure to check out “Jesusween” and then overdose on candy corn.
Speaking of Jeebus, Sports Illustrated has released its list of the top 20 overrated players in the National Footbaw League as voted on by 180 NFL players. You will be shocked, SHOCKED, to know that Timothy Richard Tebow (God’s Own Fullback™) won this dubious distinction with a stunning 34% of the vote, followed not very closely by the real QBee of the New York Jets, Mark Sanchez, and Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.
We’re thrilled that the San Diego Chargers’ Phil ”Marmalard” Rivers and Redskin cornerback DeAngelo “MeAngelo” Hall made this list, because they are terrible football players.
However, one man notably absent from this list is the Washington Redskins’ rookie phenomenon quartered back Robert Griffin III, because RGIII IS THE TRUTH, THE WAY, AND THE LIGHT and if you don’t know, ya betta ask somebodayyyy. I’ll be along at lunchtime-ish to discuss my beloved Red Skins in greater detail, and Magic Sam will be along shortly to suggest how best to feed your NFL gambling addiction in Week 8 of glorious, stylized gladiatorial violence.