Over the weekend, your intrepid correspondent puttered along the coast of scenic Rhode Island in a rented Toyota Yaris, an “economy car” that is apparently powered by petroleum-sipping hamsters running on a flywheel. THAT’S CUTTING EDGE JAPANESE INNOVATION.

Howevah, the car’s handling left much to be desired and the braking performance might as well have been Yours Truly pulling a Fred Flintstone. Several otherwise innocuous traffic lights became white-knuckle ordeals whereby I was spared the shame and financial liability of a rear-end collision only by the grace of Timothy R. Tebow, an imaginary winged beast with the body of a hall-of-fame NFL fullback, the arm of a Florida high school QBee, and a mind deluded by visions of grandeur.

Whilst carefully negotiating the turns of Route 1 in my clown car, I couldn’t help but thinking of Yackity Sax, the theme music to the Benny Hill Show, now with bonus Pedobear action!

Hoping to drown out this dreadful mental racket, I tuned in to the Southern New England affiliate of National Soshulist Public Radio only to hear the smarmy disingenuous speechifying of Paul Ryan (R – Wisconsin), who according to Lord Touch-of-Gray™ W. Mitt Romney is our next Preznit.

Oopsie!

Freud says there are no mistakes, and Mittens is correct in thinking that Herr Ryan will sooner be President himself then second-in-command in a Romney administration, so there.

Team Romney/Ryan made the announcement of their grand alliance against That Kenyan Hitler Barry Obama in scenic Norfolk, Virginia beside an old, useless decommissioned battleship called the U.S.S. Wisconsin. That’s good symbolism there, boyz. I hope their advance team remembered to hang a banner proclaiming “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED” across the control tower.

It was a pretty shocking choice of backdrop, especially for two politicians with zero experience serving in the military. To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with a candidate pair bereft of military credentials, and the first national ticket without a Protestant is progressive in its own way. But can GOPee politicians take even a five minute break from pandering to the freedumb-exporting National Greatness chickenhawk wing of their party?

I guess not. [Read more...]