The Cockpunch: LeBob Finally Wins Edition

Meh.

It only took him nine years, and to be put into a big market with two other all stars and the best glue guy (Shane Battier) of the last 20 years, and to get almost every call possible on the way, but… sure, Congratulations, LeBob! You’ve proven that if you want something badly enough, and are willing to go to a team already stacked with talent while shunning the people and place that raised you, both as a human as a basketball player, good things can happen to you.

Imagine my relief. On to the links. [Read more...]

The Cockpunch: College Football Playoffs, Bitches! Edition

I… forgot what we were talking about.

If you’re any sort of fan of this here Newsmagazine, you know of the editorial staff’s desire for a true playoff in college football. I am particularly in favor of such a move, and I’ve written about it HERE.

Well good news, people: College football playoffs are coming, finally. And they’ve allegedly found a way to keep the crappy bowl games that we’re all so excited to watch. That’s right: The NobodyGivesAFlyingFuck.com Bowl — played on a Tuesday morning at 6 Eastern in whatever is left of the Astrodome — isn’t going away. Rejoice.

This plan is not without its issues; when it begins (and it may begin this fall! EXCELSIOR!!!) it will only let four teams into the playoff, so the complaint is already being lodged by the left wing librul sports media conspiracy that those of us who complained about the BCS will still be complaining, only now we’ll be whining about the one or two “deserving” teams who are left out in the cold. It’s a fair assessment; I always believed that there should be six conference champs and two wild card teams, and four teams doesn’t exactly make me get a raging Tebowner.

But it is better. It is improvement. Progress. Will it ever progress past four teams? Not sure. I hope it does. But if four teams in a playoff is what we get, that gives us three games of awesome major college football playoffs and teams settling it on the field, hopefully avoiding a shitshow like last year’s National Championship Game. And hey look! Every game still matters!

On to the links. [Read more...]

The Cockpunch: Chuck Klosterman Edition


So I’ve been in this cycle lately wherein I read Chuck Klosterman’s excellent Killing Yourself to Live, which is ostensibly about dead rock stars but also has several truths about our generation in this current day and age. It’s a marvelous read, and I recommend it to anyone who likes compelling writing, great storytelling, and many funny ha ha.

Thing of it is, I can’t put it down. I purchased it for Ye Olde iPad around Christmas, and have read it no fewer than three times since. Airports. Hanging at home. In the park. I can’t get enough of the stories, and of the writing style, that make Klosterman such a fun read.

So it was with great pleasure that I learned of Chuck’s ascension to the position of Ethicist with filthy librul rag The New York Times.

Do I know what an ethicist is, or does? No, I do not. Going out on a limb, I’d say it’s likely that he’s to write about ethics. Now, I have no personal knowledge of Mr. Klosterman’s personal ethics, nor his ability to write about them. However, I do feel he’s a fairly astute observer of humans and their motivations for action, so I think he’ll do quite well. Plus, I’ll get to read him more often.

And maybe I can finally put down Killing Yourself to Live. On to the links:
[Read more...]

Farewell to a Champion

Occasionally an athlete comes along who makes you change your mind about athletes in general. Sometimes it’s level of play, sometimes it’s being an upstanding citizen off the field or court.

And sometimes, if you’re really, really lucky, it’s both. [Read more...]

This Week in Trolling, Brought to You by Thalidomide®

It’s time for the second installment of the long-running Daily Dickpunch exclusive known as This Week in Trolling, where we celebrate the people who thrive on treating Americans like morons.

When notified by his aides that Doug Lamborn (R-Colorado) would not be attending the State of the Union, Kenyan Prime Minister Barack Hussein Obama reportedly replied “Lulz, who the fuck is Doug Lamborn?”

A very good question indeed, you tricksy little hobbitses. If you happen to live near the godforsaken hellhole that is Colorado Springs, I present your representative for the Fighting Fifth Congressional District. Ha ha, sucks to be you!

Mr. Lamborn is known for having among the most partisan voting records in the modern history of Congress, earning a 100% legislative scorecard from the Union of Concerned Theocrats and making him by far the least interesting member of the House of Representatives. He ascended to the seat formerly held by 10-term representative Joel Hefley, the well respected former chairman of the House Ethics Committee who oversaw investigations of legendary nutballs like Jim Traficant and Tom DeLay. Oh, how CD-5 has fallen.

If Mr. Lamborn was merely an idiot, he would have STFU after clumsily using a racial epithet to describe Barry Obama’s role in the debt ceiling negotiations but no, the congressman is clearly striving to be the DeeCee Troll of the Year.

[Read more...]

Best and Worst Uniform Changes of 2011


Holy Tim Tebow-loving Christ, this year just absolutely flew by. I honestly cannot recall a year going by faster than 2011, which is good because a lot of it sucked taint. And while that’s fine for some people (not that there’s anything wrong with that), I can’t wait to get 2012 (and the end of the world!) underway.

One thing we got this year was a metric fuck-ton of uniform changes, across all sports and across both the collegiate and professional levels. As usual, there were good and bad iterations. For some reason Under Armor decided to try and be like Nike and design multiple uniform combinations for a couple of college teams (more on that in a moment) and attempted to make the sports teams look like clown college graduates.

Not unlike the Catholic Church, some of these changes simply didn’t need to be made (Attn: Pope Benedict II: I go to church twice a year maximum, and only after being good ol’ Catholic-guilted into it by my family near Christmas and Easter. Some of the changes you made were insanely out of touch, and really, is it too much to ask that when I return to mass the prayers remain the same? I’m really not going to be interested if I can’t coast through the prayers like normal), some were unnecessary but in good taste, and some were just total abject failures from conception to production.
[Read more...]

2012 Denver Nuggets Diary, Entry #2


Just 1/99th into the Nuggets 2011-2012 season, my season prognostication looks good.  It is very early, but the team is shaping up to pose the threat I suspected before the season started.  The variety of skills and team depth offered by the Nuggets will be hard to stop on a consistent basis in this hectic, shortened schedule.

Through 1 ½ games, here is what we do know about this year’s edition of the Nuggets:

[Read more...]

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