Race Week Finale: Are YOU a Racist?

Well, ARE you?

If nothing else, we wanted people to look in the mirror at themselves this week and decide if their behavior and words are acceptable, or if maybe there are some things they could change to be more human, more accepting. At the end of the day, we’re all people. We all have ups and downs. All of us, regardless of color or creed, are lazy, jobless, or successful. All of us, regardless of race or religion, are smart or stupid or something in between. In every single case, it has nothing to do with a person’s racial makeup and everything to do with their desire to succeed, or the breaks they’ve gotten over time, or whose vagina they fell out of.

And that is why racism is fucking stupid. Racists are fucking stupid (especially when they claim not to be racists but they CLEARLY are).

Here at this esteemed news magazine, we’ve been known to go over some lines from time to time. We mock racists on the regular here because it’s a good thing to do. If you can shame an ignorant, racist bastard into shutting his trap and hurting fewer people with his racist garbage, you’ve done a service for the world. And we, the proprietors of DailyDickpunch.com, are nothing if not servants to our country.

So. Racism, bad. Got it? [Read more...]

The Second Coming of Black Jesus?

There are some things about Our Nation’s Kapital (War-shington, DeeCee) that will never change:

  • Muggy nights in September, hanging out on the back porch whilst listening to the loosely harmonized symphony of crickets and locusts announce the end of a summer spent on an overbuilt swamp, followed by the perennial and deafening subtropical thunderstorm that slays the vernal and heralds the arrival of autumn (by some distance the most pleasant of the seasons);
  • The ongoing embarrassment to America, Congress, which simultaneously marshals an ever-growing share of the nation’s resources as inefficiently as possible and fails to push back against the accelerated post-Nixonian tendency of the executive branch towards opacity and the police state;
  • Epic levels of collar-popping douche nozzles practicing their love of date rape just north of the intersection of Wisconsin Avenue and M Street, NW; and
  • Marion Barry, Jr., still tempting Congress to revoke the City’s meager home rule powers after all these years.

Maybe your correspondent should be less cavalier in this assessment, for there are also many things he thought would never change and have in the thirteen years since he left:
[Read more...]

Your TeeVee is Segregated… and That’s Not A Bad Thing

THASS RAYCESS

So you might have heard about the claims of RAYCESSm levied against the creators of the new HBO show Girls; it’s where this entire Race Week® idea was born, so you should have a pretty good idea about what went on.

Essentially, everyone has to have SOMEthing to bitch about. In this case, it’s not the debt or the wars or poverty in our country, but a truly useful debate about racism on television.

“There are no vapid black girls on that show? Or Chicano! Or any other race! Why?”

Because the television world is segregated (separate but equal, kinda!) and has been for some time. That’s why. [Read more...]

Race Week Continues: The Generational Quarterback?

Via National Football Authority
Imagine that you are the general manager of the Indianapolis Colts. Do not close your eyes, but take a moment to truly imagine this circumstance. It is April 26, 2012, and you are one year removed from one of the greatest 13-year runs in NFL history. In those thirteen years, with Peyton Manning under center, your team won 147 out of 208 games, eight division titles, two AFC titles and one Super Bowl. Your fans watched arguably the game’s greatest quarterback play every game in that span. Since Manning’s second season, your team had been a legitimate Super Bowl contender every year.

Then, armed with the first pick in the 2012 NFL Draft, you released Peyton Manning on March 7th. Manning wound up in Denver after a whirlwind tour while your Colts organization had to decide on the franchise quarterback that you would draft with the 1st overall pick in April. Fortunately for you, one of the best quarterback prospects in the history of the NFL was on the board. You had total control of this year’s draft, sitting in the enviable position of being able to draft a sure-fire franchise quarterback.

This prospect’s physical tools include exceptional accuracy, great arm strength, and extraordinary athleticism. As a three-year collegiate starter, he threw for 10,366 yards, 78 touchdowns, and only 17 interceptions. His completion percentage was 67.1%. Last season alone, he threw for 4,293 yards, 37 touchdowns and only 6 interceptions. In three years, he prospect led his program from the depths of college football irrelevance to double-digit win seasons and bowl victories. This guy is a can’t miss prospect, a once-in-a-generation talent, and you are sitting on the number one pick in the draft.

And then, you drafted Andrew Luck. [Read more...]

The Brave New World of Hipster Racism

Thug Life.

Oh man. Last week, whilst your correspondents were preoccupied with the 2012 NFL draft, the bloggernets blew up over a very interesting, if flawed, post on Jezebel by the lovely Lindy West regarding the state of race relations in Amerika (hint: they’re not great).

By now, all three of our loyal readers should have gathered that the editorial board of this esteemed publication likes nothing more than RAYCESSM , but we were too busy agonizing over the annual sporting drama in which a few hundred (mainly black) athletes are systematically denied their right to make the most of their immense (but fleeting) talents by negotiating the terms of their employment on something approximating a level playing field.

So I guess that’s our iteration of the always awkward whiteboy declaration that “I’m not racist you guys, I totally have black facebook friends LOL!”. Except that while Magic Sam, Vincent Casablancas, and I are aware enough to recognize this violation of the spirit (and possibly the letter) of Our Failed Nation’s anti-trust laws and the disproportionate impact it has on young black men, we still watch the draft without fail, every year. [Read more...]

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