From the desk of J. Daniel Bateman, QC
Private Secretary & Legislative Liaison
By Appointment to HRH The Duke of Lancaster
19th June 2012
Ladies and Gentlemen, and I use those terms charitably:
At roughly 18:45 Greenwich Mean Time today, you will gather around your hand-cranked teevee sets to take in the last two group games of the 2012 UEFA European Championships, brought to you by Adidas, Cannon, Castrol, Coca-Cola, Continental, Orange, Telekomunikacja Polska, Hyundai-Kia, Carlsberg, McDonald’s, SHARP, the Djarum Tobacco Company of Indonesia, and most certainly not Paddy Power, the Irish bookmaker.
I, as a representative of your betters, cannot adequately express with words my delight at the news that so many of you colonists have re-gained an appreciation for football. And by “football”, I mean football, not that vulgar human demolition derby pantomimed in tights, shoulder-pads, and cosmetic helmets by minorities ill equipped for any station in life that does not involve inflicting traumatic brain injuries on one another for the entertainment of the masses. [Read more...]