How to Help (Mere Mortal) Tim Tebow Succeed in the NFL

[Editor's note: We are henceforth cutting down our coverage of Tim Tebow because we at least like to pretend we are writers and not just whores for page views. We will definitely respond to Tebow-related articles that insult their readers' intelligence, like this turd from ABC News. It should also be noted that Colorado's newspaper of record, The Denver Post, does not have this editorial discipline because there are no less than seven (7) frothy articles on Tebow Christ on the front page of their website. It's like they're bankrupt and desperate for page views or something.]


As Kenyan Prime Minister Barack Hussein Obama is known to say: “let me be clear”. I enjoy watching Tim Tebow play football. I very much like the fact that his unusual abilities don’t fit squarely into any position that currently exists in the overly structured, cookie-cutter National Football League.

In fact, and I have argued this for years, I think professional football would be a vastly better game for fans with more than three neurons if the league made two rule changes, each of which would suit Herr Tebow very nicely indeed:

  1. Allow NFL teams to set their own field widths (within reasonable guardrails); and
  2. Allow NFL teams to set the width of the hashmarks (within reasonable guardrails).

[Read more...]

Resolved: Tim Tebow is Jesus Christ

Tim Tebow, Son of Man.

How do you explain something that has no explanation?

Two minutes left in the game, and Denver is cooked.

Time expires, and Denver is tied.

Overtime starts, and Denver is cooked.

Overtime ends, and Denver has won.

I think we need to explore the very real possibility that Tim Tebow is the second coming of Jesus H. Christ.

[Read more...]

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