The Morning Wood is a Dumb Jock

Um, yes actually.

OH HEY, it’s you again.

And it’s Monday.

Again.

Le sigh.

Let’s get this over with.

Politix!
Chill out, libtards. No matter what the national land-line polls might suggest, His Lord High Hair Gel Mitt Romney has a small and diminishing chance of Giving Crypto-racist Americans Their Country Back, because of swing state polling that remains doggedly in the favor of Bammerz Hussein, the Kenyan Usurper.  [Read more...]

The Morning Wood: Recounting an Epic Day of Sport

Oh thank Christ, the summer doldrums are almost over. Football’s back, fútbol is back, and the Race War for the White Haus™ gets in full swing this week as thousands of self-hating welfare queens descend on Tampa, Florida for the intellectual equivalent of a Furry convention.

Will Hurricane Isaac swamp the proceedings, leaving the conventioneers of Real America with nothing to do except to cruise Grindr? HOPEFULLY. Will Doctor Ron Paul’s delegates get pretty pissed about being administratively removed from having any formal recognition at the convention? YOU BET.

Monday’s RNC proceedings have been canceled in light of the weather, so we’ll come at you with a preview of ALL THE HAWT GEE-OH-PEE ACTION Tuesday morning, for liber-tea and freedumb.

On to the Monday Morning links, you peasants! [Read more...]

What is *Really* Causing the Financial Failure of the English Premier League?

There are many reasons to love Deadspin, the sports website owned by Gawker Media. The idea of grown men getting paid squillions of dollars to play children’s games is essentially silly, so Deadspin’s combination of snark, uncompromising exposés of bad behavior, and withering criticism of the lamestream sports media is so very necessary.

The editorial staff of Deadspin is progressive enough to be ahead of its readership when it comes to covering sports that are growing in popularity but may not yet be on everyone’s radar. Specifically, I’m referring to soccer, played at the highest levels in Europe. Although I rate Slate and Grantland’s Brian Phillips as the best American soccer writer, Barry Petchesky does admirable work almost every week, converting mainstream ‘Merican sports fans to the world’s game by highlighting the sport’s unique excitement and drama.

One of the reasons soccer appeals to nerdy Murrican sports aficionados is that the competitive and financial structure of the sport is rather different than anything we typically see stateside. Teams play in up to four tournaments simultaneously, the best teams play against the best teams from other countries, and the worst teams engage in a compelling dogfight to avoid being relegated to a lower division and an uncertain future. [Read more...]

An American View of the Suárez/Evra/FA Debacle

[Note from the Editors: The Bunk was fined £40,000 and suspended from blogging for eight weeks by the Football Association for writing this column. Read at your peril.]

Solidarité, bitches. Photo from Getty Images

Your correspondent would like you to try a thought experiment.

For a moment, let’s concede that Luis Suárez said some naughty words to Patrice Evra in front of the Kop on 15 October 2011. Whether he actually did or not, and whether anything was lost in translation of language and cultural context, is irrelevant.

Let’s also concede that the FA’s “zero tolerance approach” towards anything smelling of racism is a good idea. Whether it is a good idea in practice is highly questionable given the unintended consequences of such policies when they have been attempted in the past, such as in American state school systems. But we will set that aside for a moment.

[Read more...]

Liverpool FC Player Ratings, Fulham 1-0 Liverpool, 5 December 2011

Tell us how you really feel, Luis. Photograph: Javier Garcia/Javier Garcia / BPI

Liverpool were mugged yesterday on a bitterly cold night on the Thames by referee Kevin Friend, their own profligacy in front of goal, and an opportunistic strike by that part-time rapper from Nacogdoches, Texas, Clint Dempsey. Championship-winning teams have enough ability and self-belief to offset refereeing injustices and goalkeeping mistakes; Liverpool last had this quality about them in April of 2009 and we haven’t seen the faintest hint of it in nearly thirty months. To be fair, the referee had about six major decisions to make and each time (whether rightly or wrongly, mostly wrongly) he came down on the side of Fulham. Consistent refereeing would have seen Fulham down to ten men for Dempsey’s absurd headbutting, then down to nine for repeated cynical tackles by Phillipe Senderos. On the balance of play it can be argued that Fulham deserved a point for a well-organized display that required the full attention of the usually magnificent Pepe Reina, but the additional two they won were a gift from the man in black.

[Read more...]

Fear and Loathing in SW6: Chelsea F.C.’s Downward Spiral Begins

I used to get really worked up for the semi-annual encounters between the Liverpool and Chelsea football clubs. In the first decade of this millennium Chelsea represented everything that was vulgar and wrong about football. Here was a club that lived well beyond its means for years, was forced to sell the land under its stadium to ensure that property developers wouldn’t swoop down like vultures in the event the club was declared insolvent, and indeed was minutes from being put into administration before being purchased in 2003 by the corrupt, thieving Russian oil & gas billionaire Roman Abramovich.

[Read more...]

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