A Counterpoint to High-Minded Objections to Voting for Obama

Yesterday, I spent hours and hours trying to reconcile figures in a series of spreadsheets. It was every bit as fun as it sounds.

This is an annual exercise that wouldn’t happen in an organization with the right incentives towards investing in information technology or basically any other asset whose internal rate of return doesn’t exceed that of the political cycle. You’re welcome, taxpayers of Colorado!

Anyway, having finally figured out the culprit in a forensic accounting effort of the first order, I was mentally shattered and had no idea what to write about to entertain our loyal readers, WHOM ARE LEGION.*

*not intended to be a factual statement

Fortunately, Magic Sam had stumbled across an article in the Atlantic Monthly that was crying out for a response. Not a rebuttal necessarily, but a response.

A counterpoint, if you like. [Read more...]

Morning Wood: NFL Opening Weekend

Well, friends, football is back. Some of us (me) were absolute gluttons for it yesterday on the couch, drinking up each game as if we were thirsty and wandering through the desert, and football was our water. Or something like that.

If I may torture the metaphor further, baseball season has been like the sun, beating down on us mercilessly, as we traversed our sandy soon-to-be graves in search of the shade of preseason football.

So, to wrap up a metaphor that I sincerely regret using in the first place, baseball is the awful sun, preseason football is like shade to a thirsty man, and then regular season football — featuring the debut of one Peyton Manning in Denver — is like water. Get it? Let’s just move on.

Peyton looked great. Missed on seven passes all night, threw for two touchdowns, was hit a few times and popped right back up, and in the end had a defense that won it for him when cornerback Tracy Porter picked off a Ben Roethlisberger pass and took it to the house to effectively end the game. OH, and then Von Miller grabbed two sacks and the D grabbed a third to finish off the Steelers in Denver.

Here are some thoughts: [Read more...]

3/21 Nerd Links of the Day

Oh to-day is a most heady day. Indeed, maybe the headiest of days!

Sir Timothy of Thiebaut has been commanded by God (John Elway) to preach His word in Noo Joisey, the armpit of America and a well-known Den of Vice.

Regular readers will already know that the editorial board of this celebrated web-zine holds Drew Magary in the highest regard, and his ongoing satire of the New York Jets now promises to become all the more brutal. Today’s reaction to the Tebow trade was instantaneous and magnificent.

In addition, for your daily laugh at Mittens Romney’s expense take a look at this:

Boom, roasted.

How Not to Pander to Rednecks, by Mittens Romney

Oh Happy Wednesday, sluts!

The Ongoing Embarrassment to America, a/k/a the 2012 Grand Old Party presidential nomination battle, became yet more interesting as the presumptive nominee Willard Mittens “Mitt” Romney failed once again to establish a commanding lead over candidates who would not have stood a chance in San Francisco hell of getting the nod had all of the strongest potential challengers not decided to sit this one out to avoid being absolutely crushed by the Kenyan Prime Minister B. HUSSEIN Obama and his Reserve Army of Unemployed Brown People.

The #Santorum always rises to the top, but only Allah and His Prophet know what’s on the bottom of the putrid, disease-infested cesspool otherwise known as the collective intelligence of the GOPee voters of Alabama and Mississippi, the two most conservative and (not coincidentally) impoverished states in the Union. 
[Read more...]

Previewing the Arizona and Michigan GOP Student Council Elections

The editors of this influential periodical treat the democratic process with all of the respect that it deserves. Which is to say, very little. Apparently the low-information voters of the Hate State (Arizona) and Michigan are headed to the polls to-day to choose the man who will bravely offer himself up as cannon fodder to the unstoppable force that is the Kenyan Prime Minister Barack Hussein Obama.

WHO YA GOT?

[Read more...]

Handicapping the 2012 Miss Teen Intellectually Handicapped Florida Talent Show

Happy Monday, you no-talent ass clowns. Tomorrow, the Republican Party’s long, slow death march makes a stop in Florida, a state where even the relatively intelligent voters can’t fill out a ballot properly.

WHO YA GOT?

[Read more...]

A Confidential Communication from Party Headquarters

MEMORANDUM

To: Agent Mittens; Agent Cracker
From: Agent Snowball (First Among Equals)
Regarding: The Inexorable Forward March of the Socialist International

COMINTERN HQ has watched with great interest as you have dispatched the early pretenders to the Republican nomination. As you know, it is of critical importance that the rabid base of the party be thoroughly crushed and dispirited, over and over again, until such time as they abandon their false idol worshiping and unite with the workers of the world to create a bright, red future for America.

According to the bourgeois gambling website Intrade, the chattering classes have assigned a 91.6% joint probability that one of you will win the nomination. This pleases the Central Committee to no end; however, we must not consider our struggle to be over yet. As long as Rick Santorum and Ron Paul are winning delegates we must continue to work with the dignity of New Soviet Men to provide false hope to the embittered underclass of this failed nation.

[Read more...]

Handicapping the 2012 South Carolina Sons of the Confederacy Grits-eating Contest

Down with the Eagle, and Up with the Cross!

Hooray hooray, for it is Fri-day, and tomorrow the enlightened voters of the least enthusiastic member of our United States get to weigh in on which man deserves to embarrass America’s allies and embolden her enemies.

WHO’S GONNA WIN? I don’t know or care, and neither should you! But we will still take the piss out of all of them, because we hate freedom.

[Read more...]

Five Things We Learned from the Iowa Caucuses

This fills me with a nameless dread.

Greetings Libtards and Wingnutz,

Are you totally fucking stoked for the 2012 election cycle??

Your correspondent can’t wait to find out which morally defective Real ‘Merican wins the privilege of having his (or her? ha ha ha) ass kicked by the Kenyan Prime Minister Barack Hussein Obama and his billion dollar zulu war chest in the general election.

Here are five things you degenerate political junkies can take away from last night’s festivities (in no particular order):

[Read more...]

Liberals for Ron Paul, and Mittens Steps in it Again

Part One: Why This Godless Soshulist is Voting for Ron Paul

In your correspondent’s relatively brief life as a registered voter I have been a Republican, a Democrat, and unaffiliated. As someone who likes to believe he thinks critically about public policy, the two major ‘Merican political parties leave a lot to be desired. Both are incoherent amalgamations of various (almost random) interest groups and despite all attempts to dress up their platforms as internally consistent your correspondent has never been convinced.

Your correspondent’s politics, like those of many economists, is the intellectual offspring of the Victorian Liberals who were in favor of free trade and civil rights, deeply skeptical of empire and large corporations, and opposed to aristocracy, monarchy, and the established church. Fifty years ago this could have been described as Eisenhower Republicanism but there is no room in either party today for people who:

  • see government as a means to an end, rather than an end in itself;
  • want simple, open, transparent, accountable public policy; and
  • want government to have no part in moral crusades at home or abroad.

[Read more...]

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