The Morning Wood Is Dressing Like a Skank for Halloween

Lul.

Happy Halloween, you pagan revelers!

Before you go off trading sexual favors for Fun Size™ high fructose corn syrup treats please do bring yourself up to speed on the pressing questions of the day, like whether or not to wear underwear with your naughty librarian outfit. Oh and also current events.

Politicks!
As Magic Sam chronicled yester-day, Willard, Lord High Mittens de Romneyshire is having a rough go of it in Ohio, a state he needs to win to have a realistic shot at sending Bammers Hussein back to Kenya where he belongs. This morning, Politico weighs in on Romney and his ever-shrinking window of opportunity. FiveThirtyEight reports that while Hurricane Sandy is probably not going to swing any state towards a different presidential candidate, voter turnout in the northeastern blue states is likely to be impacted. This raises the not-insignificant probability that Barry O’Bummer could win the Electoral College and lose the national popular vote.  [Read more...]

Morning Wood: Uncomfortable Questions

Throwing invisible money into the air, then wavin’ round cause he just ain’t care.

We’ve discussed multi-billionaire (and likely sex weirdo) Sheldon Adelson before in this here digest of dick jokes and tomfoolery, and we’ve even openly questioned just why folks thought the rich could possibly be spending all that political money to benefit those of us who are not multi-billionaires. These are questions that need to be asked, and since they won’t be asked by the Librul Media Machine, that responsibility falls to us. Again.

You’re welcome, America.

But now, the candidate who has been bought and paid for by Mr. Adelson — a Mexican Space Lizard from the planet Kolob named W. Mittens Romney — is displaying the signs that his foreign policy apparently now consists of pissing off our allies (his visit to London last week was well-chronicled by The Bunk) and engaging in saber-rattling with our possible future oil industry enemies. It’s like an episode of the new Dallas come to life. SPOILER: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is John Ross, and Ali Khamenei is JR Ewing’s eyebrows.

The only thing worse than what he said in London is what he said in Jerusalem. Seriously, I say this to The Bunk every single day, but HOW IN THE FUCK CAN ANYONE ACTUALLY JUSTIFY VOTING FOR THIS ASSHOLE? HOW??? Christ on a cracker, it just doesn’t make any goddamn sense.

I realize that his path to election looks weak and fraught with danger. I realize that he’s got very little chance of getting elected running on the famous, “well I’m not the black guy, is why” campaign promise. But I’m still absolutely terrified of this man.

Although, it should be noted, that once elected he would probably go back on every promise he made during the campaign. Thass jus’ how he roll, yo. Mittens ain’t care.

To the Linkmobile! [Read more...]

Race Week Finale: Are YOU a Racist?

Well, ARE you?

If nothing else, we wanted people to look in the mirror at themselves this week and decide if their behavior and words are acceptable, or if maybe there are some things they could change to be more human, more accepting. At the end of the day, we’re all people. We all have ups and downs. All of us, regardless of color or creed, are lazy, jobless, or successful. All of us, regardless of race or religion, are smart or stupid or something in between. In every single case, it has nothing to do with a person’s racial makeup and everything to do with their desire to succeed, or the breaks they’ve gotten over time, or whose vagina they fell out of.

And that is why racism is fucking stupid. Racists are fucking stupid (especially when they claim not to be racists but they CLEARLY are).

Here at this esteemed news magazine, we’ve been known to go over some lines from time to time. We mock racists on the regular here because it’s a good thing to do. If you can shame an ignorant, racist bastard into shutting his trap and hurting fewer people with his racist garbage, you’ve done a service for the world. And we, the proprietors of DailyDickpunch.com, are nothing if not servants to our country.

So. Racism, bad. Got it? [Read more...]

Your TeeVee is Segregated… and That’s Not A Bad Thing

THASS RAYCESS

So you might have heard about the claims of RAYCESSm levied against the creators of the new HBO show Girls; it’s where this entire Race Week® idea was born, so you should have a pretty good idea about what went on.

Essentially, everyone has to have SOMEthing to bitch about. In this case, it’s not the debt or the wars or poverty in our country, but a truly useful debate about racism on television.

“There are no vapid black girls on that show? Or Chicano! Or any other race! Why?”

Because the television world is segregated (separate but equal, kinda!) and has been for some time. That’s why. [Read more...]

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