Morning Wood: Insomnia Edition

Oh hai!

Your correspondent is not in a mood to share this morning, his sleep having been burned at both ends by a late co-ed recreational soccer game and a cat possessed by Satan, respectively.

Here is what you should read this morning before resuming your daily toil.  [Read more...]

Euro 2012: The Iberian Civil War

Oh hey there, you sexy thangs.

There is something special about the semifinals of major sporting tournaments. Whether it’s the Final Four™ in ‘Merican college basketball, or the unique FA Cup semifinals that once were contested at a neutral venue roughly equidistant from the clubs in question, or the Frozen Four or any conference championship game or series at the professional levels of American sports, the semifinals are where shit starts to get real for the players and fans alike.

Maybe it’s because in many respects, the semifinals are as difficult or more so than the final. At the end of the day, the tournament brackets are arbitrary. You’re just as likely to face the strongest opponent in the semifinal as in the final, because math. Once the penultimate battle is joined, if your side takes the lead you can’t help but begin to think that the fairy tale deity of your choice, in His wisdom, has bestowed grace on you; this year is your year. All of the hard work, emotional rollercoasters, and sacrifice, not only in this season but really since you were just a little nipper will be worth it when your heroes step into the arena to vie for the right to occupy the pinnacle of your sport.

When your snotty classmates made fun of you for plastering your bedroom walls with posters and collecting trading cards and wearing the same replica jersey 300 days in a row, that hurt. But now you can take pleasure knowing that your boy/girlhood team is going to ascend the heights of glory, and it will mean that much more to you than it will to them, wherever they are now (well above you in the social and economic hierarchy, probably).
[Read more...]

Euro 2012: A Progress Update on Group C

Fernando Torres is bringing SEXI back.

Aloha, motherbitches!

Your be-hated correspondent has been enjoying every minute of this quadrennial festival of thinly veiled tribalism, xenophobia, jingoism, and outright RAYCESSM, oh and also football. How about you?

To-day is the last day of the second of three matches for each participant nation in the tournament. As just the latest of several indignities suffered by Yours Falsely, I will be unable to watch the second half of England’s almost certain defeat at the hands (feet?) of a shower of Swedish bastards, because of something called a “staff meeting”. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

Oh wellz, I will remain vigilant, not check Twitter, and catch up later using ESPN®’s brilliant WatchESPN™ application for mah iPad. Seriously, if you have a cable/internet subscription through a participating provider, and a smartphone/tablet/laptop/PC, I command you to get this app.

In the meantime, here’s what’s been going on in Group C, which might have rivaled Group B for the “Group of Death” moniker had all of Ireland’s most athletic specimens not emigrated to Australia 170 years ago, for freedom prison. [Read more...]

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