[Note: The editors were tempted to leave this one alone, if only because one of the most delightful, fun, intelligent, fit, downright angelic women either of us have ever met is an alumna of and graduate student at one of these fine, worldly institutions of higher education and we don't want to make her a sad panda... ha ha, who are we kidding?]
Hey, that’s a sexy outfit you’re wearing. I know you worked hard all year to look good in that top, doing extra sets with the hand weights and making sure you had perfect form to create those long, slender, lean muscles that look so good whether covered up or exposed to the world.
But you’re a smart one; you knew that diet was two thirds of the battle and no amount of exercise would make up for the soda and alcohol and hydrogenated oils and overly processed starch and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and factory-farmed meat and pesticide-drenched produce. That juicer you bought wiped out the laughably low balance in your checking account but who can argue with the results?
True, those first few weeks were rough. But once you flushed the toxins out of your system and started drinking water again those cravings for Taco Bell and cheesecake dissipated and the pounds just melted right off. You sexy beast. If you carry on like this I am going to lose my concentration, as well as the bloodflow necessary to strike the keyboard efficiently. Cut it out!