As the editors of this award-winning* periodical partied the night away with upwardly mobile members of the Colorado Democratic-Farmer-Labour Party, we discussed how last night’s comprehensive victory was significant on so many levels apart simply from four more years of Kenyan Anti-colonial Soshulist Islamic Marxist Hitlerism in the White Haus:
- The Tea Party has been exposed forever as the fraudulent fever dream of fanatics who belong nowhere near any kind of responsible office, and its continued existence guarantees electoral victory for Democrats;
- The GOPee must come to terms with secular demographic trends and concede the fact that it can no longer be the party of old white southern men if it wants to remain a viable national movement;
- When given (reasonably) well-crafted ballot initiatives, Americans on both coasts and the Rocky Mountain West spoke up in favor of civil liberty and against dogmatic puritanism. Over time, we may find that the decriminalization of marijuana in Washington and Colorado may even be more significant than a second term for W. Barry Bamz; and
- The coalition for civil rights is rising again, with great effect. The people of the Great State of Maryland took a great progressive leap forward by becoming the first citizens to directly order their legislature to grant equality under the law to gay and lesbian couples and families. Martin O’Malley, the former mayor of Baltimore and present governor of Queen Mary’s Land, was a pivotal figure in convincing influential black church leaders to come correct on the most pressing civil rights issue of the day. A newly minted progressive powerhouse, his national ambitions have surely become even stronger.
To-morrow, we will publish the thoughts of our contributors as to what four more years of Hip-Hop Barbecues in the White Haus means to them.
You should contribute as well.
Yes, you. Briefly close your browser tabs to RedTube, YouPorn, and PornHub and send ~200 words and a pseudonym to firstname.lastname@example.org, for freedom.
*not intended to be a factual statement