Yes, you mindless sack, it’s your anniversary. Welcome to it. We’ve got some cupcakes over there, some champagne to celebrate. You don’t get to have any, because you are a fucking failure. A failure as a head coach, a failure as a person.
You’re a fucking doucheburger.
It was two years ago today that you were kicked to the fucking curb. Following the trading of a franchise quarterback, a franchise receiver, a very popular and allegedly hard-working scrappy runner, you replaced all of them with players who were not better, not close to better, in fact much worse. Then, in a move that will be remembered as the final nail in your coffin, you managed to completely shit the bed by taping a 49ers practice in London, kicking off a scandal that embarrassed the team, its owner, and its fans.
Nevermind that the team was a consistent threat to win the division every year prior to your arrival. Nevermind that the worst season in the last three decades came on your watch.
John Elway had to save us yet again from a fate worse than death when he sat in the EVP chair and started making decisions — good decisions — which positively affected the franchise after essentially weathering the storm you brought down upon it.
“Sure,” you say, “but did Elway draft Tim Tebow and Knowshon Moreno and trade a first for Alphonso Smith and give up a fourth for a blocking tight end who was rated as a 7th round prospect?” No, you twat, and that’s exactly the point.
Two years ago, the healing began.
Thank you, John Elway.
In the comments: Where were you the day
Kennedy was shot McDaniels was fired?
Today’s a day for much celebration, and not just for shitcanning a terrible coach. No, December 5 has historical significance, for on this day in 1933, Prohibition ended.
See? Good day.